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T

Tank Girl
Originally Reviewed on October 12th 2007

Emerging from the Punk and Riot Grrrl culture came this crazed comic series from Dark Horse: The movie is set in a land where water is scarce and controlled by the Water and Power company, Tank Girl and her strange band of allies (Including Jet Girl and a gang of mutant Kangaroos) fight the corporation that would enslave them.

The comic is best known for the superb art by Jamie Hewlett, who would go on to achieve fame as the co-creator of the Gorillaz. Neither Hewlett nor writer Alan Martin was happy with this adaptation in the least. Both were brought in late in the production to cleanup the story and Hewlett said everything was such a mess that they had to put in animated scenes where the director forgot to film a sequence or two.

I don't know whether these stories are true or not but the film lacks focus. It makes a lot of noise and pushes the "we're cool, punk and wild" angle right down the audience's throat. What Barbarella was to the 60s, Tank Girl attempts to be for the 90s, a comic book adaptation for the times.

Lori Petty looks like the title character, but her stabs at snarky humor fall flat. Naomi Watts (The Ring) fares better as the shy Jet Girl because unlike Petty, she doesn't come off like she's trying so hard. Malcolm McDowell does his standard skewed baddie thing without much zest and there are several pop stars in the mix, including Ice T and Iggy Pop.

The best part of the movie was the animated opening, with music by Devo. In fact I liked the comic book art inserts most of all. Seeing how nice those Gorillaz music vids are, this probably would have worked better had Hewlett and Martin just made an animated feature.

While it's achieved some cult status, for me Tank Girl feels like it's posing. I'd love a great rock and roll Super Hero movie but this isn't it. It's too tiresome and under all the pretense of being cutting edge, is rather prosaic

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Originally Reviewed on September 12th 2007

During the commentary track on the animated film, the director made the statement that he didn't want the Turtles in his film to simply trade quips as they had done in the live action movies. He didn't mean that as a knock, but his words illustrate exactly what I was talking about in regards to my impression that the brothers were not distinct enough.

In the animated film great care was given to draw out each personality, but here, aside from the lip service paid to being family, and a few sprinkles dashed about (Raph is given a couple scenes where we see him as the angry loner of the group) they all kind of melt together. I know that this is a younger version of the team, but overall they could have done a better job of bringing these guys to life as individuals.

Other downers: I found the production values to be kind of dingy, there's cheapness in the general look and feel of the flick (Splinter's about, oh, a step ahead of the ragged "Joey the Lemur" puppet from MST3K. He, he). And the cheap synthy soundtrack does not help matters. The actors are nothing special, with the guy playing Casey faring the best. The screenplay is silly, plus, the limits inherent within the medium are easily seen in the action sequences. You simply can't match the scope and speed of the animated versions, nor did the budget and technology at the time allow for this either.

The animated feature was also full of subtle touches; an example - Pizza is ever present (boxes etc) but not talked about. Yet in this film it becomes a too broad, campy and over used punch line that made me want to gag. Lordie, shut up about the damned pizza! I get it; you don't need to hit me over the head with it. Subtlety, sly nods to character and history; any respect for the audience's intelligence, are not a part of this production

It's a nice light popcorn movie that will likely entertain ardent fans, but for folks like me who never cared for this band of heroes, it's just not enough. The animated film got almost everything right, to the degree where I actually want to add it to my DVD collection. This live version is one I could never see again in my life and I'd never miss it. It's not that this is a terrible movie, but neither is it very good.

TMNT II: Secret of the Ooze
Originally Reviewed on September 14th 2007

Shredder is back and he's got his hands on the ooze that created Splinter and the Turtles. He uses this chemical to create his own animal-men and then the usual stuff happens. Joining in is a new ally (a martial artist/pizza deliver boy) and a new April (She's not as street tough as the first, but comes off more polished and professional as would fit a TV news reporter)

The second live action Turtles fest is a slicker production. The cinematography is less dingy and the fight choreography is tighter and more effective. There's a bit more attention paid to the characters, Donatello gets a little more time to shine, we see him working a computer and longing for more meaning behind his existence. But never the less, I found the whole thing, well pretty childish. There's more of that annoying 'trading quips' thing, it is often too busy, noisy and the Turtles villainous counterparts look like they dropped out of some silly Power Rangers show. I guess that's great for kids, or fans of cheese. But it was all too goofy for my blood (and by God, Vanilla Ice? Kill me now, please)

The animated film had some dignity, some weight and maturity in the story and characters to go with the moments of humor. I appreciated that style of Turtle adventure much more than I do these live action versions. This simply isn't my speed.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III
Originally Reviewed on October 4th 2007

The Turtles are back, looking more rubbery and spotty than ever before. If the first 2 live action Turtles don't do anything for you it's unlikely the third outing will thrill. The one saving grace for me is that I love Samurai and I love Akira Kurosawa, and this picture draws inspiration from Kurosawa's "Seven Samurai" (Rogue Samurai's aid villagers)

The quipping Turtles travel back in time to save April, who was whisked away after touching a magic scepter. The low-grade humor is still prevalent, though this time out they draw on pop culture references a lot more. Which leads to a disturbing moment when 2 Turtles drool over April's bare legs and do a Wayne's World "Schwing!". There's nothing I needed less in my brain than the image of these rubbery creatures popping chubbies while gawking at April. -shudder-

While the lure of Samurai adventure had me hoping that this Turtle flick would be the one I could tolerate. It moves at a pretty lethargic pace and I found my mind wandering a lot. I didn't like the look of the costumes as much. Splinter has these gnarled, plastic claw-like hands and is often filmed sitting behind this windowed counter. In one scene, Splinter, Casey Jones and a Samurai all sit in these lil openings, looking much like the panel of Hollywood Squares.

I think this will probably be too dry for fans of the first 2 movies. As for myself, I couldn't wrap my mind around the odd melding of teenage goofiness and somber Samurai tale. The two worlds didn't mesh very well at all. Three times was not the charm, but it wasn't horrible, simply more of the same.


TMNT
Originally Reviewed on September 12th 2007

I remember when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles made their first big splash. Comic book shops were a buzz as collectors took an instant liking to the foursome. Later there was a cartoon and toys (lots more merch) and then the live action flicks.

But I was never swept away by the fad, for one I never enjoyed animal people thingys. Cat headed women or that horse faced thing in pages of Thor - thus, teen turtles did nothing to spark my interest. Also, while die-hards could tell the difference, I couldn't. The Turtles looked the same, talked the same. They had different names but to my eyes they were interchangeable. The whole thing made me yawn.

During this marathon, I admit I've been avoiding going back and watching the old movies again. I had no interest in anything to do with this franchise. Buuut, there was this new animated motion picture out on DVD, and after a while I reluctantly gave in and rented it. Knowing for sure it was going to be a big fat waste of my time and money.

I was wrong. Dead wrong, because this was an absolute blast!

Let me get my complaint out of the way right off the bat. Some of the computer animation didn't work. I didn't expect Pixar levels here... While the Turtles themselves are rendered quite nicely, the camera movements are solid with the city and sewers richly detailed. Even the stone warriors look cool. But the humans are poorly realized and the large battle/crowd sequences were hard to follow with movements that were jerky and mechanical. The 'real' people had that -slow drift- thing at times, and their hair and clothing looked plastic.

Aside from that I loved the pacing of the story and the character development. I've watched a lot of garbage in this marathon in the past few days (Zoom, Super Ex-Girlfriend) and time after time, character development was a huge gaping hole. Not so here. I complained earlier that the Turtles were not distinct personalities for me? Well the filmmakers quickly introduce and establish those characters. They do a great job of telling us who each is. And then as the story moves, they flesh out those personalities fully. The only Turtle that was somewhat slighted was Donatello. We are given the computer genius angle, but after that he kind of gets lost, buried under Michelangelo's humor and the conflict between Leonardo and Raphael (Much of Dons stuff was cut out as seen in the extras). Raph, in particular is brought to life nicely. The supporting characters aren't slighted either, April and Casey, Splinter and Winters are all given their due.

The plot moves at a smooth, well-told clip, and while basic (good guys vs. ancient curse), isn't so predictable that it can't offer up a twist in the perception of villainy. The story is entertaining and the voice work is all top notch (Patrick Stewart and Sarah Michelle Geller are the big name actors here). Despite this being about animal people, my least favorite brand of Super Hero, I was thoroughly enchanted and -here's that word again- entertained. And that's an element that's been missing of late in this marathon. I was so nice to just kick back and have a good old-fashioned good time again.

End Note: The extras for this DVD are superb, very informative. The commentary track is excellent and shows how much forethought went into telling this story and fleshing out each personality.

Tetsujin 28
Reviewed on February 19th 2009

A robot named Black Ox, hell-bent on destruction is tearing through Japan. The only one who can stand in his way is another giant robot, Tetsujin 28 (Iron Man 28) who is controlled by a frightened and not very skilled young man.

American audiences might remember Tetsujin under the name Gigantor. This is a live action telling of the origin and exploits of that character. The film is nice to look at, well produced, but all told rather distant -I wasn't engaged by the people or their plight- and dull. The movie runs nearly 2 hours, and there's a whole lot of unnecessary filler to get it to that length.

It also doesn't make a lot of sense. I'm not sure why this scared little boy is the only one who can operate Tetsujin? Sure his (late) father built the now rusted bot and there are some hints that dad intended it this way - he also is supposed to have this super-memory. But it sure doesn't serve him very well, nor does it appear any more extraordinary than any other persons. It's a contrivance but as I've seen in many a Godzilla and Gamera flick, kids in Japan are afforded special privileges that in the U.S. would normally reserved for agents of the CIA or Homeland security.

The boy is aided by a perky female genius from MIT and prodded by his Grandfather, who looks like Colonel Sanders. This guy is Mommy Dearest in overdrive, constantly berating the lad for being a coward and frankly if I were this kid I'd never frequent gramps chicken restaurants again!

The bots are rendered by computer animation and they engage in some really boring fisticuffs, stiff, awkward and slow. Sometimes the animation works other times it doesn't and I rarely got a sense that they were real. They sometimes came off weightless and though the filmmakers show us the consequences of their fight, I never felt a tangible sense of danger to the people in the city. They also didn't exude any personality, which was okay for the mysterious Black Ox but not so good for the bland Tetsujin. Yes I know they are robots, but the best robot movies can make you care for them. This fails in that regard.

The schoolboy was okay at first; in his place I'd be scared too. But after a while all that crying and whining got old. The villain was better served. In grief he's lost his mind and it was with this character where the film showed some spark of life (He also had a really hot assistant in a short skirt). All told it's a kid-geared flick but without any real fun or heartfelt lesson learned. It's as cold and uninvolving as the metallic machine men on the screen.

Thor
Reviewed on September 14th 2011

Thor, the arrogant Norse God of thunder, defies his father Odin and initiates a war with the neighboring Frost Giants. Resulting in his banishment to Midgard (Earth) - where he befriends a group a researchers, learns humility and battles against the schemes of his brother Loki.

When I saw this in theaters I was thrilled with the sequences in Asgard, but felt it dragged in the portions set in Midgard. As I sat down with the Bluray disc for another go, I again was elated over the realm of the Gods, and then waited to be bored once Thor fell from grace --- but a strange thing happened on this viewing. I didn’t get bored; quite the opposite - I was riveted by his earthbound exploits. And in truth, Director Kenneth Branagh mixes things up quiet well. Going from Thor's relationship with the 3 researchers, and his attempts to reclaim his hammer - then back to Asgard where drama and intrigue continue on with Loki, Odin and Thor’s companions, Lady Sif and the Warrior’s Three.

There were still bits I didn't care for: The script piles on the slapstick comedy in the early Earth sequences. Thor bellows and get tasered, Thor bellows and gets shot with a sedative, Thor wanders away from the Hospital and gets hit by a car... You get the drill. While decent humor is had throughout, that slapsticky silliness largely fades away (as does Kat Dennings, one of the 3 Earthlings, who also provided comedic relief) and things get down to business.

Branagh's production strikes a nice balance. It has its Shakespearian touches (family and betrayal), and pays homage to its classic, colorful Lee & Kirby comic origins- all the while keeping the film uniquely it's own thing. There's a good amount of drama and character interaction, and a little mystery, as SHIELD agents try to get a grip on all this weirdness. Kenneth and his crew give us the sweep and grandeur of Asgard, as well as the humble homey feel of Midgard.

The acting is solid. Chris Hemsworth makes a charismatic hero, and Natalie Portman offers subtle tones here and there (watch how she watches Thor as he explains the universe as he knows it). Their romance isn't overblown, but is an appealing, underlying thread – more about these two getting to know one another than shooting off fireworks. Anthony Hopkins (Odin) is a class act as always, and Tom Hiddleston as the trickster Loki is a treat. He brings nuance to a character that has always stood in his brother's shadow, and longs for the same level of love and respect from Odin. Also worth noting is Colm Feore as the king of the Frost Giants, Idis Elba as the imposing Heimdall and Stellan Skarsgard as Erik, another Earth researcher. Also keep an eye out for the Punisher, Ray Stevenson as Volstagg (the ever-hungry member of the Warrior's Three).

All told I enjoyed the film much more this time out. It entertained and held my interest to the very end. The only thing that was lost on the smaller home screen was that wonderful moment when Thor attacks a Frost Giant creature. In the theaters it was an awesome, jaw dropping scene that had me laughing from pure delight. It was just so comic book incredible. It loses some of the power and that "wow factor" on TV.

Thor: Tales of Asgard
Reviewed on February 28th 2012

The final film in the Marvel/Lionsgate line is a bitter dreg. A poorly animated and voiced story that focuses on young brash Thor, his brother Loki, Sif and the warrior's three. The movie pulls on the same threads as the theatrical release. Egotistical Thor angers the Frost giants and nearly causes a war (in this case it's over a magic sword)

Tales of Asgard is slumber inducing dull. The animation is cheap looking, barely worthy of Saturday morning cartoon fare. And the voice actors are non descript. Thankfully the film shows a marginal spark of life down the stretch and managed to hold my interest to some degree. The mythology, some back-story on Sif and the tree of life are pluses. But the negatives are in greater supply. Tales is a tedious affair and Thor sans hammer, strips him of the thing that makes him distinct.

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The Three Fantastic Supermen
Originally Reviewed on June 24th 2008
Editors note: I saw and reviewed the 3rd entry in the series, "3 Fantastic Supermen in the Jungle", prior to this one.

Released in 1967 (The poster comes from a 70s re-release) and from the land of Italy, comes the first Fantastic Supermen story. This is better than the "3 Fantastic Supermen in the Jungle" that I'd reviewed earlier and it tells of 2 master thieves who wear bulletproof costumes. The duo is brought in by the FBI to help uncover a counterfeit ring. In fact, the bad guys are using what is called a "Universal Reproducer" and it can duplicate cash, gold, even humans... Even 3 fantastic supermen!

The story is simple but it is action packed. There are fast paced car chases and acrobatic fights. Aldo Canti (called Nick Jordan in the credits) as the mute superman isn't as deft a comedian as Sal Borgese (Who starred in the role in "Jungle") but he was a circus performer and does some truly amazing stunts, including one that had him jump from a building, land on a platform where he bounces and hops into a getaway car. Very cool! (Unfortunately Canti had ties to the mob, spent time in prison and was later murdered).

Italian comic book movies in the 60s were all about anti-heroes such as Diabolik. They were slick, colorful and the music rocked. 3 Fantastic Supermen is no different. While there is humor, it's slyer with a lot less camp than what I saw in the 3rd sequel, plus there's real menace and violence (The evil Mr. Golem is a sadistic SOB who puts children in peril). The direction is tighter and it reads like a spy flick. The premise is high concept and goofy and packed with an easy, quick charm. I really had a blast and it's too bad that the follow-ups (from what I've read and seen) never delivered the same punch and thrills of this one. Regardless, I like these characters and plan to try and get a hold of others in the series.

I also hope that this will receive a proper release. As the bootleg copy I saw was pretty rough looking. From what I can tell it was taped off TV. It's an English dub but with Spanish subtitles (which can't be deactivated)

The Three Fantastic Supermen in the Jungle
Originally Reviewed on June 17th 2008
Editors note: I saw and reviewed this film before having watched the first in the series (seen above)

The 3 Fantastic Supermen was a series of Italian made productions, comedic spoofs in which logic and continuity didn't mean a thing. For example in the first movie "3 Fantastic Supermen" (1967) Brad Harris stars as an FBI agent who enlists the help of two thieves, the men don red bullet-proof tights, utility belts, and suction cups to walk walls. The 3 heroes were named Brad, Tony and Nick. By the time we get to this, the 3rd installment of the series, Brad has become FBI agent Willy (though still played by Brad Harris) and he's aided by Martin and Dick.

This is my first experience with the trio but it didn't take to long to get into the groove, it's all very straightforward. The humor is physical and broad, the story simple. In this 2 of the supermen -Martin and Dick- are in prison for stealing gold from a Sultan (that's the joke, 2 of these guys aren't very heroic. They are reluctant to join in with the good guys and use their powers for their own financial gain). The main man, FBI agent Willy is about to get married but the ceremony is interrupted as Willy is assigned to rescue his companions and with them, get a deed to a Uranium mine in the jungle before the Russian's do.

During the adventure the three get involved with a tribe of women, the Queen decides to marry Willy and all manner of chaos ensues due to this sub plot.

The humor's basic and old hat, but there are a few laughs. The trio's powers? Aside from the bullet proof suits, Willy is strong, Martin is acrobatic and Dick (played nicely by Sal Borgese, who starred in 7 of the 8 films) is the comic relief. He can talk to animals but can't talk himself, just makes odd Mr. Bean like noises and gestures a lot. The main baddie is Frank Branna (seen as the silver haired poacher in Pod People and the henchman in Supersonic Man). Interesting enough, in the follow up to this movie, Brana will take over the role of the lead Superman. Every time Brana and his band of Russian agents get a win, they break out into song and dance and that made me chuckle even though it's an old joke.

The fight sequences start off well. There were a lot of acrobatic movements: Flipping, spinning and the like. But after awhile it's as if the choreographer (or Director) ran out of ideas and it becomes standard fisticuffs.

The movie's not a work of art but it was pleasant enough of diversion. It was upbeat and fun and I am very interested in tracking down the first (and I've read, best) film in the series.

The Supermen Filmography
1967 3 Fantastic Supermen
1967 3 Fantastic Supermen in Tokyo
1970 3 Fantastic Supermen in the Jungle
1973 3 Supermen of the West
1974 3 Supermen Against the Orient
1979 3 Supermen Against Godfather
1984 3 Supermen in the Olympic games
1986 3 Supermen in San Domingo

3 Supermen Against the Orient
Reviewed on April 19th 2009

Before I started this marathon I had never heard of the 3 Fantastic Supermen, I'm not sure many in the U.S. have. But it was an Italian franchise that spawned several sequels and inspired a few knockoffs and parodies. It's pretty difficult to figure out what was part of the official line and what wasn't, there would be a few other films after this one, which starred some of the same actors like Aldo Canti and Sal Borgese (Turkish co-productions which incorporated footage from past 3 supermen movies) but this would be the last helmed by director Bitto Albertini. Not that this fact results in continuity.

This time out the mute Sal Borgese character is joined by Antonio Cantafora playing his partner in crime and Robert Malcolm as Robert Wallace, the lean, tall FBI man, who sports a fine 70s style mustache. Unlike the previous films I've seen, the thieves don't have the bulletproof suits -It's implied that they know and have worked with the FBI man in the past, but not with the suits- the government provides these.

The story cashes in on the kung fu craze and was an Italian co production with the famous Shaw Brothers. It opens with a song about a guy named Ping Pong, the big boss of Hong Kong (who likes to smash and crash and dismember people). Unfortunately Ping Pong isn't part of the movie (Bummer), instead we are giving a story of drug lords.

FBI agent Robert Wallace is drug from yet another wedding and sent to Hong Kong after foreign agents go missing. Once there, he speaks with a member of the American consulate. A nervous man with a bad bladder who laments the troubles of President Nixon and offers such marginally funny lines like "Kung Fu is a laxative". (Yeah, there's a lot of bathroom humor, literally, with this guy). Later, while trying to a find his contact in the city Walker bumps into his old pals and recruits them into the caper. It seems these martial artists are too much for him (and the thieves just happened to be studying Kung Fu under the tutelage of Tang (the legendary Lo Lieh) who is the secret agent Walker seeks).

The movie provides the traditional back and forth exchanges between the FBI man and his criminal pals (who will get the better of whom in this one?) and lots of well-staged kung fu action choreographed by Jackie Chan. The 3 supermen are 5 this time out, joined in costume in by the kung fu master and a female agent.

In total the movie lacks the frantic zip of the 3rd film. The suits don't show up till the end and that final sequence isn't all that thrilling. It runs out of steam and ends without much enthusiasm or zest. Neither this nor the 3rd sequel come close to matching the first, they all feel scattershot and lack the sheen of a top-level film (not that the original was a "Dark Knight" by any means, or even a "Diabolik". But it was solid entertainment. And each sequel became a paler copy). "3 Supermen Against the Orient" was okay, it's not a "must see". If not for this marathon I would have skipped it and not been worse for it.

The Toxic Avenger
Originally Reviewed on September 28th 2007

And with this film was born the whacked out B movie machine known as Troma. Toxic Avenger is nasty, cheap and as with all things Troma, low brow and in bad taste. This is really stupid but it's a movie that wants to be stupid, it's relishes in its extremes: The bathroom humor and sick violence and, uh, stupidity.

Toxie's origins see him as a picked on weakling named Melvin who works as a janitor at a gym. Some punks (who are also serial "Death Race" style killers) play a prank on Melvin that results in him falling into a vat of toxic waste. The weakling transforms into a pretty ugly, tutu-wearing Monster Hero. But since this is Troma, his heroics are pretty bloody and often steeped in vengeance.

This cult hit isn't for all tastes, hell it isn't for my taste really. I found most of the humor way too dumb, even as self-effacing parody it's still too dumb. But every once in a blue moon it would get a chuckle out of me, usually in the scenes between Toxie and his blind girlfriend. I also liked that deep dubbed-in voice of his, he sounds like a strong sturdy hero but the words he speaks are sometimes anything but -"Every day I go out and MASH people, I TEAR them apart and I can"t stop!" he cries out to his girlfriend.

The flick's all a big, gross, tasteless joke, and I'm not much into big, gross, tasteless jokes (Hence my loathing for stuff like "Jackass"). But if you're into that type of thing, The Toxic Avenger is the best at what he does.

U

Ultraviolet
Reviewed on January 11th 2009

Feeling like Aeon Flux with a touch of Resident Evil, the futuristic Utraviolet is all flash with little substance. The story is cold around the heart and paper-thin. Whether that's the fault of director/writer Kurt Wimmer (Equilibrium) and his bad dialog, or the studio that cut out over 30 minutes from the final product and therefore gutted the pacing and warmth of the piece, I don't know (it's probably a combination of both).

The movie opens with some nicely rendered comic book covers, none of which was an actual publication (Howard Chaykin did a cover and I spotted one that looked like an Adam Hughes, thought he wasn't listed in the credits). From there we get a hint of the imagination inherent in the picture as bomb like spheres are dropped from an aircraft, and from them emerge black-garbed swordsmen - Hella cool. We are then thrust into a story about a woman (Milla Jovovich) who is infected with a disease that gives her special abilities. She is soon caught in the middle of a civil war after choosing to protect a child (Cameron Bright, who specializes in playing creepy kids) that the Government wants to use and the infected rebels want dead.

Though the script tries to push the mothering aspects and create a bond between Violet and the child named 6, I wasn't able to get emotionally invested with the plight of these characters or the story in general and without that, all this movie has to offer is eye candy.

Granted Milla Jovovich is great eye candy. She has shined as an action heroine in the 5th Element and Resident Evil series, and in UV, while her acting is weak, she looks good and moves well. Her hair and clothing change color at will (in the extras it's explained that this is connected to her mood and that she uses it as camouflage). The "Flat Space" technology was inventive and visually interesting and the Shanghai architecture adds to the stylish feel.

Though there were a lot of acrobatic action sequences used to beef up the miniscule premise, the gunfights and hand-to-hand battles lacked the tension of real threat or the bone crunching hyper-reality of Jovovich's other action flicks. Her combatants all come off stupid and incompetent. At times it seems she is just waving her weapons around randomly while her foes accommodate her by running into the line of fire.

The movie feels rushed, is poorly edited and was missing a soul. I just never really cared about these people and though the film was pretty to look at, the visuals weren't enough to hold my interest. While I'm not certain restoring those lost 30 minutes of footage would make a difference (ala Daredevil) I'd sure as heck like to see them and judge for myself (not that this is likely. I've read that Wimmer has washed his hands of the movie and there isn't the demand for another extended version). Thus, Ultraviolet feels unfinished, slick in appearance but empty all told.

Unbreakable
Originally Reviewed on August 14th 2006

Unbreakable is M. Night Shyamalan's look at the mythos of the superhero. But beyond that it explores how empty life can feel when you're not doing what you were born to do. Many of us wonder about our purpose in life; Unbreakable takes that theme and applies it to the world of comics.

Unbreakable is often criticized for being dull; and I admit, it is a dry, slow paced movie. But as I stated with Ang Lee's Hulk, if the director is telling a compelling story and if I become deeply invested into the fates of the characters, then I'll follow you anywhere.

And I'm not only interested in the characters but fascinated by the cinematic achievements of the movie. For example, in the opening scenes nothing is wasted and few words are used to explain the situations we are seeing. It's all told through visuals. We note Bruce Willis' David removing his wedding band when a pretty woman sits next to him on a train. The train shakes and we sense danger. Later a boy is shown watching news coverage of a train wreck. Night cuts to the hospital; we see David and receive some exposition that explains that he is the only survivor (while a patient bleeds to death right before us). David enters the hospitals waiting room as anxious family members watch him pass. His wife and son greet him. The son places his parents hands together, they walk and the camera focuses on their hands as they separate.

We are told everything -about the main character and his marital status, the set up about his near invulnerability- without having to be told everything in exposition.

It's beautiful filmmaking and the entire movie is like this. The framing, cinematography and storyline are meticulously formed. Nothing here is non-essential padding; it all flows seamlessly.

Other highlights include the solid acting, the musical score that is picture perfect, subtle yet powerful when needed. And the patches of humor amidst the dark mood of the piece add to the character development. The bits between father and son, as David lifts weights, are a touching moment of bonding between the two, and damn funny too.

Samuel L. Jackson is brilliant. The counter to David's invincible hero, Jackson's Elijah suffers from a disease that causes his bones to break easily. He his filmed in deep shadows, his eyes take on the hollow and haunted look of a soul that's been hurt too often, and is aching for answers. His "Mr. Glass" is the movies catalyst and it's a shame Jackson didn't receive any love from Oscar for this, one of his finest performances.

Underdog
Originally Reviewed on December 19th 2007

Though savaged by the critics I was surprised to discover this movie wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Oh its story is predictable and clumsily told and it really stumbles at the end with the physical humor and poorly staged scenes (as when the dogs attack Barsinister), but early on at least, it provides some genuine wit and -despite going live action- I was delighted by the wave of nostalgia that washed over me while I watched.

The movie opens with a clip from the Underdog cartoon and I thought that was a cool way to get things started. While Wally Cox is missed, Jason Lee puts a nice spin on the voice of U.D. The humor is cute in scenes where the literal minded pup learns all about us humans and our strange behavior. James Beluishi is decent as the security guard who adopts the dog he names Shoeshine. He gives the Beagle as a gift to his son, and the chemistry between the boy and his dog is what keeps the film afloat. I also enjoyed the performances by the baddies. Peter Dinklage was born to play the evil Barsinister and Patrick Warburton earns laughs as his dim-witted assistant Cad.

In this version of the story, Barsinister creates the serum that modifies genes and when a disgraced police dog (Shoeshine) comes into his clutches and is accidentally doused with the serum, the beagle is transformed with amazing powers. The animal escapes and sinister spends most of the film trying to get his hands on the modified mutt. That's a pretty weak foundation for a story and the flat, formulaic ending flushes away the good vibes earned by the humor and the relationship between the good guys. But overall I did laugh; I did enjoy the nods to other films (Lady and the Tramps Spaghetti scene) and the respect for the source material (The rhyming, the constant running of the theme music).

Although the movie is not great by any stretch of the imagination, it wasn't the dog I expected it to be.

Up, Up and Away
Originally Reviewed on September 6th 2007

Editors Note: I watched and reviewed this with "Lightspeed" as part of a TV movie double header

Up, Up and Away comes from Disney and is another vanilla effort from Robert Townsend. Though it's miles better than his tepid "Meteor Man" it's still merely...okay. The story is about a family of super heroes (Mom and Pop are the Bronze Eagle and Warrior Woman and Sherman Hemsley plays gramps, The Steel Condor) and the middle child who hasn't gotten his powers yet (An idea used again in Disney's, Sky High).

The costumes are silly, the humor pretty weak (and the bit with little sisters out of control laser vision should have been a funnier gag). It's lightweight family fare with a predictable message (boy and family learns you can be a hero without special powers). It's not a mess like Lightspeed, but it's no great shakes either.

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Veritas: Prince of Truth
Reviewed on April 19th 2010

A winged hero (who has an internal lie-detector) leaves the world of comics and seeks the help of 14-year-old Kerin Williams (Bert Loehr) when his book faces cancellation. Kerin's mother and best friend Mouse, join the lad and Veritas on their quest to find Veritas's creator (who has gone missing) and locate the 'biocode', which is supposed to do... uh, something.

Released in 2008. It mixes live action with some weak looking animation and FX. And while it's nothing special, it does offer a nice message about courage and friendship. I think it's the kind of light entertainment that could be enjoyed most by young boys. For us oldsters, weeeell, the corn in a bit hard to swallow.

The performances aren't bad; Sean Patrick Flanery earns some laughs as Veritas. The fish out of water stuff is amusing, though over the top. I understand he's in a strange new world but he acts less like confused adult and more like an idiot child. Amy Jo Johnson (Power Rangers) in decent enough as Kerin's single, animal loving, mother and Danny Strong (Buffy) is lively in the comedic relief role.

Standing in the way of this band of heroes is evil cobra woman Nemesii, played by Kate Walsh (Grey’s Anatomy). Who is nasty for nastiness sake. Beyond that, she doesn't have many layers and doesn't add the tension a film like this needs. Which is too bad because she's got the sexy femme fatale attitude down pat and would be a good villain in a better production.

While there is a certain charm to the piece, there's not much to it. The story lacks focus; its premise is amorphous and forgettable. Veritas isn't horrible, but it's not that hot either and is geared more towards the kids.

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Volta
Originally Reviewed on May 24th 2008 - This was also my 100th write-up

Volta is another low budget Filipino superhero flick that borrows liberally from a lot of other sources, but manages to be pretty entertaining despite its many faults. It's a comedy starring Ai-Ai-De Las Alas (yes that's her name) as Perla, an accident-prone housefrau who takes care of her two siblings while running a dress shop with her friends.

Perla has had this lifelong problem, lighting keeps chasing her (in one funny scene Perla, as a little girl, runs shouting as lighting strikes continually behind her). We later learn that the God of Lightning (who wears glasses, lol) wishes to bestow upon her these 'special powers' because -since she's already been struck by lightning 3 times- she must be the chosen one.

In a flash, Perla is given one of the stupidest costumes in superhero history. She goes out and saves the day, takes out the bad guys and becomes a beloved hero. But the evil Celphora (Queen of the Mobile Phones) wants to use Volta as a power source in her mad scheme to rule the world through technology!

Sound whack don't it. And it is. The humor is very physical and very broad. And yet,it also crosses a few dark lines. Perlas brother suffers nasty looking burns in a house fire and a villain kills a child (not shown on screen). There's also some heavy drama concerning Perlas brother, who harbors a lot of resentment over his big sister. Another negative was a slur about homosexuals that I found offensive.

The story lifts from several sources, "The Mask" (Volta eats a bomb, a baddie shoots bullets from his mouth). Celphora looks like Storm from the X-Men and flies an invisible jet like Wonder Woman. In a few action scenes the film shifts to animation, which felt odd especially since they didn't do this for all the fight sequences.

The premise is thin and stupid and there's some goofy stuff (Volta battles a giant cell phone transformer-bot) but for the most part I had a good time. The actors do a decent job, some of the jokes fall flat but a few hit their mark and the pacing moves at a nice clip. I liked Volta's powers and how she could travel through power lines etc.

The movie was later turned into a TV show in 2008, with a better-looking costume I might add.

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The Watchmen
Reviewed on March 6th 2009

I was there when it all changed, and relished each comic book tale delivered by the likes of Frank Miller, Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman without fully appreciating how they were altering the landscape. Watchmen? I read every issue of Moore and Dave Gibbon's socio-political epic -which satirized and dissected the comic book archetype- with awe. Today, Alan Moore bemoans the state of the comic book hero; the irony is that he need only look in the mirror to see one of the architects of their dark condition.

Now we have a movie adaptation of what many consider a sacred text. Some folks will not allow themselves to be happy about that event but for me, while I was a huge Watchman fan, I'm not a fanboy. To my mind books are books and movies are movies - each offers an artistic perspective unique to themselves. Sometimes you get a bad adaptation (Moore's own League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) at times, as with the case of Jaws, a film improves upon the source material. And sometimes you get something special from each. As with Stephen Kings "The Dead Zone". With Zone I recall thinking that the story was too expansive, it told so many chapters in its protagonist's life that it created a jagged narrative that would sabotage any movie adaptation. But David Cronenberg nailed it because he embraced what made his medium special, while honoring the thrust of the book. While he made changes, those changes made for a story that flowed more evenly while maintaining the haunted sorrow inherent to the character.

If Watchmen Director Zack Snyder stumbles, it is that he tries too hard to mirror the book. For example, some lines of dialog are repeated verbatim that simply don't translate well from page to screen (never the less, some of this dialog is brilliant... "None of you understand. I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me!" - Rorschach). Snyder's film excels when he does what Cronenberg did, honors the source, but uses what his medium offers to his advantage. As with movement - I personally loved the slow motion, then sudden sped up action in the fight sequences. The movie can't mimic the panels of the comic book, but it can offer kinetic (and audio) alternatives that are just as pleasing.

To describe the story at its most basic: Watchmen is an Agatha Christie 'Who Dun It', mixed with the Outer Limits "Architects of Fear". The uncompromising Rorschach represents the hard-boiled detective who seeks to unravel that mystery. Ozymandius and Dr. Manhattan are there to service the Outer Limits link - the exploration of humanity, its potential for both evil and good, and the question of whether we should manipulate that potential for good. Nite Owl is the common man; he is us, at heart an average Joe trying to get along in this world.

Apart from the sociological struggles and representations. The movie is an eye popping visual treat. I have no problem with CGI (It's one tool of many that have been employed by filmmakers over the years) but if done badly it can take you out of the picture. Here though, Snyder wants it a bit disjointed. Dr. Manhattan has become disconnected from us, so it is appropriate that his CG enhanced presence feels somewhat removed from reality. In adition to the CG, the overall costume and set designs look great, makeup is a mixed bag. The movie is excessive in its violence and one sex scene goes on longer than it needs to, but that's Snyder's signature. In general though it's visually stunning.

Story wise the narrative isn't a smooth ride, there are bumps (the Graphic Novel would pose a challenge for any screenwriter (one of them being David Hayter of X-Men fame) but thematically it is as strong as what was presented in Christopher Nolan's Batman series. The piece is aided by solid acting. It's not Oscar worthy stuff, but it is effective. Patrick Wilson as Nite Owl is the most human of the bunch, while Matthew Goode (Ozymandius) and Billy Crudup (Manhattan) are imposing figures. Malin Ackerman is a bit stiff as Silk Spectre but she doesn't detract from the film and Jackie Earle Haley is spot on perfect as Rorschach, he affects a Batmanesque growl, but not at an annoying level - he's a broken man but also has a code that he stands by tooth and nail and that's compelling. He was a stand out character in the comics and it's great to hear him cry out for "his face" when he is unmasked. Jeffrey Dean Morgan gives the Comedian surprising weight. He should just be an unlikable dick and that's it. But Morgan's performance is charismatic. Even though he is a bad man, he's interesting and represents the cynicism that leads Ozymandius on the path revealed at the end.

So phew, that was a mouthful and I feel like I only skimmed the surface (I didn't mention the altered reality or the cold war theme). Watchmen isn't as successful as The Dark Knight but it does attempt to focus on mature, sober subjects as the Batman film did. It works despite some hitches in the flow, and changes in the story (Ditching the squid was the right choice BTW). As with the comic it is a conflicting juxtaposition of ideas and images, the traditional comic book "Pow!", with the deconstructive examination of those traditions. All told I found it a thought provoking and technical achievement.
For another review, read Captain Hygiene's take at Adam Smasher's

The Watchmen: Directors & Ultimate Cut
Reviewed on November 21st 2009

Even before Watchmen reached theaters there was talk that a directors and an Ultimate cut were in the making for DVD release. After watching both I find I prefer the director’s cut. Cinematically it’s superior to both the theatrical and ultimate edits.

The Directors cut is more violent than the already violent theatrical edit and is mostly comprised of extended scenes, with one notable exception: The death of Hollis. This is an intelligently directed sequence, with images of the original Nite Owl's villains popping up in Hollis’ minds eye as he battles his attackers. The moment is accentuated by the music, as are many scenes in the film. I haven’t spoken of the music, but for the most part I enjoyed it. Taken from the comic its self, popular songs such as Dylan’s “The Times They Are A Changing”, add much. And the score could be striking as well (I found it especially effective during Manhattan’s origin scenes). All told, the only negative to this version was that we get more scenes with rubbery-faced Nixon. He’s a too over the top and cheesy a figure. And like some persistent, buzzing fly, I just wished the irritating thing would go away and stop distracting me.

The Ultimate Cut uses the director’s edit and blends in scenes from the animated Black Freighter release (not everything is included though, so if you want to watch the complete Freighter you still have to buy the DVD). The use of ‘Freighter’ in this manner was hit and miss: In the comic the Freighter sequences add a feeling of dread and parallel the main storyline. But in the film it often disrupts the flow and pacing of the piece. A good example is at the end. Ozy has revealed his plan, and originally this leads us into a watch, in which the camera pulls back and takes us to the explosion (inspired direction and camera work BTW). But in this version the final Freighter bits are thrown in and like a splash of cold water they take me out of the film. Though I loved having the newsvendor and the kid included, the Black Freighter wasn’t a necessary addition film-wise.

The Ultimate cut includes the same extras, and adds the Watchman motion comic, a digital copy of the theatrical release (I would have rather had a DVD), the entertaining “Under the Hood” and 2 commentary tracks, one by Snyder, the other by artist/writer Dave Gibbons. Neither track is Earth shattering but provides enough info and personal reflections to warrant a listen. Gibbon’s points out that Snyder had him and the colorist draw out the new ending, as if it were part of the comic, and duplicated many of those scenes. He also acknowledges a few changes -including having Dan present when Rorschach dies- that added more emotional resonance. It is a scene made stronger by the fine performances of Patrick Wilson (Owl), Haley and Billy Crudup as Manhattan, whose soft quivering voice gives a surprising and welcome vulnerable quality to this imposing God like figure. (I must say I prefer the way the movie ends, even beyond changing the squid, to the comic)

It’s a tribute to the great source material and the work of the film makers that we have 3 strong versions of this movie. Having to chose which one you prefer, is a time consuming, yet rewarding experience.

The Wild World of Batwoman
Reviewed on March 19th 2009

I tried to sit through Jerry Warren's horrid Bat-rip off but the effort nearly destroyed my very soul and I had to beg off (Dear Lord, may my eyes and mind forgive me my trespasses). Warren (who also wrote and edited this thing) is one of the worst directors in film history; the horror stories told by people who worked with him are legion. That he didn't direct so much as scream incoherently - or the lies he told, as with this production, where actress Katherine Victor was promised a bat boat and a costume designer but wound up having to create her own uniform, and even drew the bat symbol on her chest (she never did get a bat boat).

Warren won a lawsuit over the title, but after the Batman series lost popularity he renamed and re-released it as "She Was a Hippy Vampire". To boost the vampire theme there was an initiation scene where a few batgirls engage in blood drinking... but -tee-hee, it wasn't real blood at all, tee-hee-

In the film, Batwoman leads a team of attractive female agents who don't actually do anything except hide behind garbage cans, looking stoned or brainless (I'm not sure what to call that expression), while innocent people are robbed and murdered. Oh well, at least they hold these wonderful slumber party like get together's. A Batgirl is kidnapped which eventually leads to a caper of some sorts, involving an atomic hearing aid. a baddie named Ratfink is trying to steal it, Batwoman and her girl gang are employed to protect it. Bats starts off the adventure by sharing chocolate milk and macaroons with her foes... uh, okay, yeah.

The movie is an eye gouging experience, incoherent and irritating (the idiot assistant to a mad scientist is a headache all on his own) as well as offensive (the faux Chinese gibberish heard during a séance). There are some cool B movie actors to be found, including Victor in the title role, Steve Brodie and Bruno Ve Sota, there's even a bit of footage from "The Mole People" spliced into the production. But none of that can elevate this too something that while bad, is kind of fun as well, ala Puma Man. Batwoman can't be associated with the word fun in any way shape or form, it's excruciating and the only way I was able to get through the piece, was to switch over and watch the version done by the comedy troupe at Mystery Science Theater 3000, even then it was a trying experience. The horror, the horror!

Wonder Woman (1974 TV Pilot)
Reviewed on December 12th, 2009

This 1974 pilot starring Skeletor's sister -Kathy Lee Crosby- is about someone called Wonder Woman, but the costume is different and the hair is blonde and she fights like Kip Dynamite.

The 69-minute mindbender takes other liberties and reads like something torn from the pages of Denny O'Neil's revisionist take on the character. Here Diana, er, I mean Dee leaves Paradise Island not with an injured Steve Trevor in tow, or after a battle of bullets and bracelets, but as a kind of goodwill ambassador.

The story is pure secret agent intrigue. Dee makes like a junior James Bond as she tracks down Ricardo Montalban, a suave and eccentric criminal who is holding several code books that could topple the American spy network. All he wants in exchange for these books is a boatload of bucks, carried on the back of a Burro (yup, that's right, a burro, a wee horse, an ass).

There's not much tension, everyone knows who everyone is and where to find them. Wonder Woman has no secret identity (though the American agents seem oblivious to this); she's a superstar spy that is universally respected and adored. The movie is played straight, which I prefer to the comedic elements that were in place when this version was scrapped and a more faithful series was born with the perfectly cast Lynda Carter. But it's also riddled with incongruities in the plot and screwy bits of dialog.

Bizarre sequences include the snake that wraps itself around Wonder Woman's leg - this would normal be a tension filled moment where the heroine would spring into action. Instead she calls room service to bring in a saucer of milk to tempt the snake away from its primary target. That's not only unexciting but it's one of several head scratching plot devices that feel forced and not very well thought out.

When Dee tracks the burro with the booty in its saddlebags, she is caught in a trap where multicolored hot mud begins to drip down the walls. It was a moment where I could do nothing but roll my eyes and wonder what was in the screenwriter's heads. Was this supposed to be tense? It wasn't, slow moving chunks of mud aren't threatening. It felt randomly off the wall and out of place and for a moment it was as if I fell into a Salvador Dali painting where everything looks real but nothing makes sense.

The villain hires his own Amazon to stop Wonder Woman, which was a cool idea that was poorly executed. The fight was anticlimactic and added nothing to, nor did it further the story. The battle just... peters out. And when the heroine finally confronts the mastermind baddie, the moment is sedate, filled with quiet and flirtatious conversation that goes on longer than it should. I can't recall ever seeing a superhero or spy film so blasé and laid back.

Performances aren't bad, Crosby's a terrible fit for Wonder Woman and the script sometimes defeats her, but there's a quiet charm about her and she plays well with others - such as Andrew Prine, the dirty dealing assistant villain. Montalban is very good, though again, some of that dialog is impossible for even the best performers to overcome. The guy playing Steve Trevor is marbled mouthed and nondescript and leaves little impression on the story.

Weird, weird flick and certainly not Wonder Woman

The New Original Wonder Woman (1975 TV pilot)
Reviewed on April 17th 2009

A year after the Crosby version, ABC gave Wonder Woman another go, this time they stuck to the tried and true, re-telling the origin and giving us characters a lot closer to the one created by William Moulton Marston. It also seems they wanted to make certain nobody confused this with the first pilot and clearly added the words "New" and "Original" to the title. The story itself doesn't blaze new trails. Once the film establishes the characters, Steve and Diana are quickly thrust into a Nazi plot to bomb an American base.

Still, this version is better if for no other reason than the inspired casting of Lynda Carter in the lead. Though she had few roles prior to this (and sometimes it shows with a stiff delivery here and there), she was spot on, as if she was born to play Wonder Woman. Not only is she statuesque, with a figure and face to match the heroine (as well the era) but Diana has an intelligence that matches her strength. And Carter is very convincing in scenes where she is asked to put those brains into use.

Joining her is handsome and charismatic Lyle Waggoner as Major Trevor and Stella Stevens as Trevor's secretary, who is actually a double agent working for the Nazi's. The Nazi angle is the weakest part of the movie, mostly because they are camped up and I've never been real comfortable with the SS as sources of humor (it takes a keen comedic mind like Mel Brooks to pull it off) and while Kenneth Mars and Henry Gibson are talented, I didn't care for their characters and their scenes took me out of the picture.

Red Buttons, another double-dealer, fares a bit better because he wasn't as broad a caricature. He and Carter played off one another nicely, and I like how Wonder Woman had this look like she was on to the game (she might not be familiar with our ways, as was wonderfully illustrated in a scene at a dress shop - but that doesn't mean she's stupid). Cloris Leachman plays Hyppolita, and while she can't pull off the warrior Queen aspects, she is very good with the mother/daughter scenes.

All these comedic actors though, exemplify my main problem with the pilot. These comic cartoon trappings didn't sit well with me and spoiled the mix. I wasn't able to enjoy myself fully, and I'm glad they pulled back a little bit on this when it went to series (though camp would remain a part of the equation).

Wonder Woman, neither the movie, nor the series was a complete success but it was good to see a faithful rendition of the costume and character (Plus it added to the mythos. The spinning "costume change" originated here and was later adopted in the comic). The feminist sisterhood stuff might have been laid on a bit thick, but that was appropriate and refreshing at the time when -aside from the Bionic Woman- there weren't many strong leading female heroes on TV. Overall it's worth watching for Lynda Carter's winning portrayal. (Strangely - despite good ratings, ABC drug their feet on committing to a series. The movie aired on Nov 7th of 1975. They filmed 2 specials, and later 11 episodes for the 1976-77 season. They didn't renew the show which then moved to CBS for 2 seasons)

Wonder Woman
Reviewed on March 2nd 2009

Though it took them a while, the female member of DCs big 3 is finally featured in a film (apart from the TV pilots), and it's a good one. The first half hour consists of set up. We are thrust into the middle of a bloody war between the Amazons and Ares, who is ultimately defeated and imprisoned. There is the birth of Diana and later a lengthy jet fight which results in Steve Trevor crash landing on Paradise Island. Though I'm familiar with the story it's updated well, and right out of the gate I was captured by the animation. Director Lauren Montgomery did the character designs and they are sharp. The clothing and headdress gives a distinct look to each Amazon, so I never got confused over who was who. The opening battle and the jet sequence were both well staged (Though the tussle in the air goes on too long).

The story only gets better once Diana is given the uniform and flies off with Trevor to America in search of Ares, who has escaped his jailers. The thing that was great about this movie was that it was surprisingly funny. Fish out of water tales have always amused me; so watching Diana react to our way of life was a delight (the bit with the little girl when she first arrives is a hoot) and I enjoyed the interplay between her and Trevor. It also has a good heart, which allowed me to connect and care about the characters. Underlining the story is the backdrop of how men and women relate and react to one another, as well as that thin line between chivalry and chauvinism (and how a lasso of truth can get a guy in trouble, especially when he's with someone he finds breathtakingly beautiful and sexy)

The voice work was a mixed bag. The problem with Gods and mythic figures is that I have it in my head that they must sound larger than life. Marg Helgenberger (C.S.I.) in her small bit as Hera is absolutely terrible, her delivery is flat and commonplace, she certainly doesn't come off like the Queen of the Gods. Rosario Dawson, as with most of the Amazon's, is fairly stilted in reading her lines and is another that just doesn't have a voice that resonates to mythic proportions. Keri Russell as Wonder Woman isn't bad by any means (she and Nathan Fillion have great chemistry together), but she sounds like some small town mid western girl, not a commanding powerhouse who can square off against a God and come out ahead. While Keri was good, my favorite actresses were Tara Strong as Alexa and Vicki Lewis as Persephone (who was also drawn exceptionally well).

Oddly, while this is about the first great female superhero, it's the men who fare much better in the vocal department. Alfred Molina gives that taint of cruelty to Ares and in a small part; Oliver Platt is slimy and strong as Hades (plus his animated appearance is surprisingly different and refreshing). Above them all is Nathan Fillion (Firefly) as Steve Trevor. The guy has a natural easy way about him and just from this role has already elevated himself, to my ears, as one of the better voice actors I've ever heard.

Wonder Woman doesn't surpass Bruce Timm's better Batman films but it equals the enjoyable Justice League New Frontier without feeling like there was too much being squeezed in as was the case with Frontier. It's well writen (By Michael Jelenic and Gail Simone) and marked by witty dialog.

The box boasts of 3 hours of extras, but most of that consists of padding. We get those same old commercials for their DVD line, episodes from the JLU, (which I already own). The 2 featurettes basically run through the same material - and while I understand that Wonder Woman was a ground breaking character, they really oversell this point, and do so over and over again. Even the commentary wasn't their strongest, with big gaps of silence scattered throughout. With that in mind I'd recommend just buying the single disc unless you're a die-hard fan of the Amazon Princess.

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Yo Yo Girl Cop
Reviewed on February 27th 2009

American audiences unfamiliar with this character will likely be disappointed, expecting balls to the wall action (as promised in that explosive DVD cover) and instead receiving a lot of soapy teen angst.

Yo-Yo Girl is actually the 3rd in a series of films based on the Manga Sukeban Deka (Delinquent Girl Detective). She has also been the subject of several television series in Japan. What longtime fans know is that the stories concern a young agent (Saki) who is sent into schools to solve problems and stop crime. In Yo-Yo the issue is Teen suicide, bullies and a website called the "Enola Gay" which winds up a front for a group of terrorists. Sadly, the yo-yo doesn't make much of a play, and when Saki first uses it, she knocks herself out!

The film is primarily a preachy, long-winded melodrama - and the action? Heck this movie barely has a pulse. When the action arrives, it's, uh... dumb is the best way to put it. Our leading lady exchanges her classic school uniform for sleek, X-Men style black leather (but she keeps the red tie) and spins yo-yo against yo-yo against her first foe in one of the silliest looking fights I've ever seen. The scene is also marked by daft dialog ("You stupid bitch you're gonna die really soon!"). There's then a semi okay run through a gauntlet of villains and a sorrowful final exchange with the architect of all this chaos. I can't recommend viewing Yo Yo Girl, unless you're desperate for a nap. It's not very fun or exciting and its social issues are dealt with on a sappy, watered down manner.

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Zebraman
Originally Reviewed on May 3rd 2008

I read a review that recommend this to fans of Power Rangers type shows, so I went into this expecting something for kids. But when a character in the opening scene complains that his, uh, man thing itches from crabs that he received after sleeping with a prostitute. Umm, sufficed to say I quickly realized that this wasn't going to be no movie for the kiddies.

A Japanese production from the director of "Ichi the Killer", it tells the tale of a glum loser who works as a teacher. His students hate him; they bully his son for simply being his son. His daughter disrespects him and his wife is having an affair. The only solace the guy finds is late at night, when he locks himself in his study and dons the uniform of his favorite TV superhero, Zebraman. Of course, being who he is, his favorite TV show was seen by scant few and was canceled after only 7 episodes aired.

One night the poor slob decides to venture out in his costume and while out and about he stumbles upon a serial killer dressed as a crab! A fight ensues and much to the surprise of the teacher, he suddenly displays amazing powers! Soon the new hero is encountering villains that are straight out of the TV show.

Zebraman has a pinch of horror (Via an alien invasion from a horde of green see-through globs), a bit of compelling mystery and a dash of comedy. And the reason it all works is that it's played mostly straight, there's real human drama and you care for this guy and the people around him (including a new student in a wheelchair, also a Zebraman fan, and his mother).

The story flows at a nice pace (though during the ending I wondered why the alien just stood around while some interaction and drama played out) and it held my interest from the start. The acting is very good, (though the protagonist wears this expression of bewilderment throughout). And I liked the score, especially the ominous tones that would creep up from time to time.

The humor is sharp: For example, the teacher soon develops his own version of "Spider Sense", I guess you'd call it Horse Sense, and it was revealed in such an unexpected manner that I was delighted and surprised when it happened. The comedy caught me off guard in general, as I don't think I was expecting the film to be so funny. There are sight gags, strange out of the blue moments (Zebranurse made me laugh my ass off) and of course, humorous parodies on the genre. I loved the scene where the future hero is watching a TV show, which was a cross between the Power Rangers and the Ring. (and of course, Zebramans TV theme is a "Jet Jaguar" style anthem that is hilariously cheesy).

I was pleasantly surprised by Zebraman and enjoyed it so much I watched it twice and will put it on my wish list of super movies to buy. (I watched it with subtitles, The translations are not always accurate and in some exchanges it makes things confusing. The dub makes more sense, but the acting is awfully carton like.)

Zebraman 2: Attack on Zebra City
Reviewed on February 28th 2012

Z2 throws the lo-fi charms of the first film out the window and replaces it with the chaotic and ludicrous. Zebraman 2 has a few laughs but too frequently lays a lot of lowbrow eggs in that department (such as embarrassing alien fart joke). The FX are bigger, slicker and the picture looks good, but the added expanse makes the movie an unholy mess. There's a lot of dumb, unwieldy plot points and not enough of the heart and soul that made the first film special.

The movie is set 15 years after the events of the first. Our hero has lost everything, including his memory. Zebramania has swept the nation, and Zebracity is ruled by a corrupt man and his daughter (?) a pop idol known as the Zebra Queen. The premise is overstuffed with nonsense like "Zebra time" in which cops get 5 minutes to kill civilians (Hu? And why?) – of course Zebraman must his collect marbles, unravel all this clutter and save the day. While Show Aikawa as Shinichi/Zebraman is as personable as he was in the first film. He can't overcome the half-baked and bloated story. In this case bigger is not better.

Zoom: Academy for Superheroes
Originally Reviewed on September 9th 2007

Zoom is based on a children's book but it doesn't follow the source material at all (Which was a kind of Harry Potter for the comic book set. Only the School was for young superheroes to learn their trade and is headed by an alien). In this version the alien is changed into a has-been hero who has lost his power. The story: Back in the Day, Captain Zoom (Tim Allen) headed a super team, the military messed with their powers and Zooms bro -Concussion- turned bad and killed them all (save Zoom). 30 years later the military discovers that bad brother is returning and they enlist Zoom to train a new set of heroes to save the day.

The flick seems to be trying to zero in on the success of Sky High, but it lacks the charm, wit and depth of character of that film. This is so scattershot and the screenplay is terribly out of focus. The people who populate this movie don't react properly or in a natural, real manner. Tim Allen, for example, is just an infantile jackass who bursts out mean spirited insults for no reason other than the writers somehow though this would suffice as character development.

Courtney Cox is bubbly and comes off the best of the cast (though that's not saying much) - Poor Chevy Chase, comes off far worse. He's just there to be abused and sprayed with whatever gross, smelly substance the filmmakers can find. Serious issues are touched on superficially but these are discarded quickly, with the writer and director instead choosing to focus on tired montages, often accompanied by the tired strains of "Smash Mouth" tunes (that's so 'yesterday' man).

The film shows some spark of life in the final battle. But those life signs are pretty week. Concussions power manifests itself well; it's probably the best (albeit easiest) FX in the movie. But it's far, far too little too late. This is a wash out as a family film, avoid it at all costs and rent Sky High instead.

ZsaZsa Zaturnnah Ze Moveeh
Reviewed on March 10th 2009

From Milan comes this musical comedy based on a popular comic created by Carlo Vergara. Ada/Adrian is a gay beautician who leaves the big city to mend a broken heart. One night, while singing in the shower, a pink meteor falls from the sky and hits him in the noggin. His friend (played by Chokoleit, Milan's version of Jack Black) and niece encourage him to swallow the rock because apparently that's what all the comic books heroes do to acquire powers in that region. Oddly, Adrian does this and whala, not only does he gain special powers but he turns into a woman named Zaturnnah (played by Zsa Zsa Padiilla, a famous singer from the Philippines). Soon the new hero is squaring off against a giant frog which swallows her whole. And once inside the beast Zsa fights a few skeleton pirates (...The hell? I don't know, maybe it relates to a Filipino legend). Later, an army of zombies floats in to terrorize the town, before ultimately Zsa Vs. the cause of these disasters. A colorful band of man hating Amazonistas from Planet XXX, lead my Queen Femina (Pops Fernandez, also a popular Filipino songstress and looking very hot I might add)

The movie uses a lot of cultural references and it draws from other local superheroes (Movies I've reviewed here: Lastikman, Volta and Gagamboy are mentioned in a song at the end). Tone wise it can get very shrill, it also doesn't flow seamlessly. For example, the big battle at the end is very uneven because there are too many instances where it stops to allow for exposition and a musical number (Granted that song was one of the best offered). Special effects aren't sophisticated; the scene where Zaturnnah tosses a car is especially bad.

Despite these rough patches and that it falls apart with too many sappy endings (...and songs - hurry up and finish this baby!) for the most part this was a good natured, wild, fun film with many genuine laughs. I had a good time with it. Music is a mix between good to m'eh; the costuming is nice and colorful and matches the comic. It is a smoother production than Super Noypi, the humor is better than Gagamboy. I'd put it up with Volta for films from the Philippines. Besides, Where else are you going to find a tender song sung to a zombie, who thereafter tears off his own head? Editors Note: I've since watched the film "Darna The Return" and discovered that Zsa Zsa is a parody of that characater

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