Links: Home * C-E * F-H * I-O * P-S * T-Z * The Superman Family * The Bat Cave * X-Movies * The Super-100 To A * To B A Adventures of Captain Marvel Originally reviewed: June 25th 2008 "Thrill to relentless scenes of doll tossing!" Synopsis: On a scientific expedition to Siam young Billy Batson is given the ability to change himself into the super-powered Captain Marvel by the wizard Shazam, who tells him his powers will last only as long as the Golden Scorpion idol is threatened. Finding the idol, the scientists realize it could be the most powerful weapon in the world and remove the lenses that energize it, distributing them among themselves so that no one would be able to use the idol by himself. Back in the US, Billy Batson, as Captain Marvel, wages a battle against an evil, hooded figure, the Scorpion, who hopes to accumulate all five lenses, thereby gaining control of the super-powerful weapon. (from IMDb.com) Many people consider this 1941 serial the greatest one of its type ever made. And it does have high production values, some nice action scenes and an origin story that adds a new flavor not found on the Batman versions. Still, it suffers the same malady they all do. Tedium brought about by familiarity. I know these serials have fans that wax nostalgically, but I don't know where they find the patience. By the time I got to the 7th chapter I was already worn out. It's the same thing: Hooded villain sends thugs out to harass the good guys... such as Billy Batson - who gets conked on the noggin, tied up, gagged -cliffhanger- he breaks free just time to shout "SHAZAM!" and the hero swoops in and knocks heads and then either leaves thugs unconscious or dead. And speaking of knocked heads -"Bonk on the head!"- how many damned concussions did Billy suffer in this film? He's like the original Troy Aikman. There are loads of the illogical: Why does Billy Batson keep putting his friends in peril? Just say "Shazam!" and go after the bad guys that way? There are also many unintentional laughs. I chuckled at the beginning sequences when the scientists would continually and insultingly brush off the warnings of their Indian guide Tal Chotali. Only to have Tal's words come back to haunt them seconds later (For example, scientist scoffs... "I don't believe that there are natives around for miles!" - Then Kapow! Kapow! Armed natives attack! Hey dickweed, maybe next time you'll listen to what ol' Chotali, tells ya, hu?) The other laugh begs a question. Did superheroes back in the 30s and 40s kill? Did Cap Marvel kill in his comic book? Because this version shoots 3 unarmed men in the back (sure they tried to shoot him first, but it still took me aback as I never saw a traditional superhero do that) and then later he picks up a thug and throws him off a high-rise building. Which made me laugh my ass off. There are a couple scenes where Captain throws people around (who are stuffed life sized dolls) and it was so silly looking, I split a seam every time he did it. Action and Actors? B-Western star Tom Tyler looks a bit old for the part of Captain Marvel for my tastes, but he's very good. He doesn't talk a lot, just gets down the business. He's tall and rangy, a much better physical specimen than the out of shape Batmen I've seen serialized. During the flight sequences they use a mannequin, which is actually effective. I like one bit as a baddie is running away atop a dam and in long shot we see the figure of mannequin-Marvel descending quickly, there's a nice (real human) wire work landing and then the Captain steps forward with a menacing grin on his face as the thug fruitlessly shoots bullets at the heroes chest. I thought this was very well staged and directed. On the other hand Frank Coghlan as Billy Batson bugged the ever-loving crap outta me! Isn't Billy supposed to be a kid, like 10 or 12? Well this guy is in his mid 20s but seems to be trying to act like he's in his teens. That mannered high-pitched delivery, the wide-eyed idiotic expression of a guy trying to act younger... but he comes off sounding and looking like a simpleton. The guy drove me mad! And the fact that he keeps going into dangerous situations was illogical, (I know they want to give the character major screen time but at the cost of making any sense?) You got the power, use it. Please, so I don't have to hear or see that stupid Batson! Also, sharp-eyed MSTies and fans of Ed Wood will recognize the Scorpion's lead henchman as the guy who played the top cop in "The Sinister Urge") Despite the flaws it is a good serial, if you can tolerate serials. And if you can't, well you can do as I did and laugh like a goon whenever Captain Marvel tosses a doll. The Adventures of Food Boy Reviewed: April 15th 2009 "Not all superheroes fight crime" - Grandma This is an amiable good-hearted movie about a boy who discovers that he has a special power, the power to make food appear from his hands. The kid, Ezra (Lucas Grabeel) isn't the most popular in school, but he decides to run for class president against the jerky BMOC and this is when his power manifests, in a messy way. Later that day, Grandmother reveals that he is part of a long line of food makers and she begins training Ezra to use his gift wisely. The story isn't original; it's pretty easy to see where this is leading. Ezra gains popularity, alienates his friends, is rude to his family and at the end he learns a hard lesson about what's really important in life, and to accept and not squander his unique gifts. While the plot is predictable, it is well acted and smoothly directed by Dane Cannon. Grabeel and Brittany Curran as a girl who's into Ezra, have a natural way about them and a likable connection. Food Boy is not a superhero movie per se, he doesn't fight a masked super villain or wear a colorful costume (Though his girl friend does make him a special "Food Boy" T-Shirt). It's more of a "super power" movie. As in... "with great power comes great responsibility". It's not a great film and it does slip into juvenile food fights and gross food eating contests, but overall it was a refreshingly good family film that can be enjoyed by adults as well as kids. The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl Originally reviewed: December 9th 2008 This movie owes as much to a 6 year old, Racer Rodriquez as it does to his father Director Robert (Spy Kids, Sin City). As the lad created the characters, helped develop plot lines and wrote some of the dialog. Therefore it's not a stretch to say that this will appeal more to kids than it will for adults. Still, this adult didn't hate it. The premise concerns holding on to ones dreams when the world is demanding you face reality. 10-year-old Max is the central character, he's got a vivid imagination and because of that the majority of his classmates ostracize him while his teacher (George Lopez) advises him to give up on his dreams. Adding to his misery are his parents who quarrel endlessly. Soon though, Max's character's come to life in the form of Sharkboy and Lavagirl, who seek his aid because their home world, Planet Drool, is in danger due to the fact that the dreams that fuel it are being destroyed. The movie was originally shown in theaters in 3D, and not very crisp 3D either and that was a distraction (as mentioned in the commentary, most theaters were not digitally equipped to handle showing the 3D properly and thus, aside from a few premiers, audiences viewed it through cheap cardboard glasses which didn't do the effect justice). Watching it straight on DVD I was able to sit back and view the movie for what it was. A colorful family adventure that is high in child like imagination, which was too simplistic to fully engage me. The look of the film is brightly candy coated and the FX cartoony. The child actors are photogenic though none are amazing talents; in fact the acting across the board is pretty 'meh'. The story is like a ride at an amusement park as Max, Sharkboy and Lavagirl journey through the Passage of Time, catch the Train of Thought, go down the Stream of Consciousness and skate across the Sea of Confusion; in order to arrive at their destination, the Dream Lair. It was great fun for the children I watched it with, while proving to be a mild and amusing distraction for this older kid. Aquaman Reviewed on February 24th 2010 Flush off the success of Smallville, creators Miles Millar and Alfred Gough took at stab at the Aquaman legend as their next super based project. An expensive pilot was filmed, interest was high but the network decided against picking up the show… probably due to the high cost of making the series. The pilot has since popped up on itunes and as an exclusive with Best Buy, and it was recently offered as an extra on the blu-ray version of “Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths”. The pilot opens with a young Arthur Curry and his mother Atlanna flying over the Bermuda Triangle. Their plane is attacked, ACs mother is kidnapped and he is left stranded. The story then shifts to the present, AC (Justin Hartley) runs a bar & diving business with his best friend Eva - and while he is aware of his special abilities to breath underwater etc, he doesn’t seem too interested in finding out were these powers came from. That is, until a hot gal invites him out for a swim. Turns out the gal is actually a Siren, set out to kill him. A local lighthouse keeper (Ving Rhames) saves ACs by shooting the Siren and later explains that he, AC, and his mother are exiles from Atlantis. At first, the young man is incredulous, not wanting to face the truth, but the truth will not be denied. In addition to that set up, there’s a sub-plot about a guy investigating the Atlantians and a female jet pilot (played by Miss Universe Denise Quinones) who might have some connection to the sea dwellers. Overall I found this an entertaining production, and it captured enough of my interest that I would have watched had it gone to series. Not bad, though there are bad things about it – chief among them was some of the painfully water-logged dialog. I started feeling sorry for these actors, being saddled with gems such as these… “Destiny is like a riptide, you never know it’s pulling you in until it’s too late.” In addition to that, the acting hits rough seas, even with the bigger name performers. The chemistry between Hartely and Lou Diamond Phillips (playing the man who adopted him) was sorely lacking and Ving Rhames comes off uncomfortable (though he was smoother in that final scene with AC). On the good, Justin Hartley has a natural easy charm, I thought he was solid throughout and he has since moved onto playing another hero, the Green Arrow, on the series Smallville. Amber McDonald as Eva is another asset - she and Hartley would have made a good team. The special effects were impressive. They spent money on this pilot and it shows. The Siren makeup was scary and the water-funnels and swimming scenes were convincingly done. Unfortunately there was a problem in the presentation to disc. It’s like they cropped the sides of the picture. The title “Aquaman” is cut off on each end, the closeups are cramped with half faces, and in one early scene Phillips is talking to Hartley, but all you can see is his arm. The picture gets better as it goes but I have no idea what was going on with that. Is this the way it looked on itunes and the Best Buy disc? Astro Boy Reviewed on November 16th 2009 Known in Japan as the “Mighty Atom” and Astro Boy in the States – The character -created by the reveared Osamu Tezuka- first breathed life as manga in 1952. Later he became a super star on television and in 2009 Astro Boy was featured in an animated CGI film produced by Imagi. A company that impressed me with their mature updating of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Because of that I was looking forward to the movie and was bummed when expectations were not met. The voice work is solid (by Freddie Highmore and Kristen Bell to name a few) and the animation slick. I was dazzled by the movement of the lead character as he zipped through the skies on his boot jets, and engaged in thrilling battles. But the performances and pretty pictures are undone by an uneven story that failed to be as moving as it could have been. I like that the film was brave enough not to skirt the issue of the death of a child - killed in an accident in the lab, where his scientist father tests a new malevolent power source by order of the President (Donald Sutherland). But the father (voiced by Nic Cage) doesn't seem devastated enough by this horrible event. He should have been frantic; screaming… then again that probably would have been too scary for the tykes in the audience. Regardless, emotionally it shifts too quickly. The kids father goes mad with grief and builds a robot that looks like his son. He quickly realizes that this robot can't compare to his son and orders him dismantled. This should have been heartbreaking, but it's done so abruptly the audience is never allowed to settle into the emotion of loss, grief and disappointment. The robot then ends up on Earth after being chased by the power mad president, whose agenda is cloudy, despite the fact that he makes declarations of intent all the time (Oh, this is set in the future where most of the planets inhabitants live in a city in the sky and the planet has been turned into a garbage dump). On Earth Astro meets up with these 'lost children' and their caretaker, and this "Oliver" bit bogs the narrative down. There are 3 robots thrown in for comedic relief, but they have absolutely nothing to do with anything and are more annoying than funny. One of the lost children has promise, a girl named Cora. She has parents but the story never clarifies what caused them to be separated. Was she abandoned? Fell from the city and was lost? Kidnapped? And the scene when she finally reunites with her parents is so laughably flimsy and throw away - it's like no thought was given to the hows and whys or the resolution. It's merely a weak plot contrivance, nothing more. Once Astro is forced into gladiator mode the film amps up and becomes a lot of fun. He later takes on a super robotosized President in a cool, action packed battle. All of this is exciting and well directed. But the overall film would have been better served had they given more weight to the father/son relationship and had tighter focus on the motivation and intent of the key figures. Ultimate Avengers - parts 1 & 2 Reviewed on February 8th 2009 The Ultimate's line was an attempt by Marvel comics to update their stable of characters. The new telling of the Avengers saga was immensely popular but I didn't care for it. While Bryan Hitch is a great artist, Mark Millar's an immature writer (I recently read his first issue of Fantastic Four and thought, "What, is this guy 12 years old?" That sums up his style in a nutshell) Marvel's first foray into the animated direct to DVD releases adapts this story, and did so with Curt Geda (DCs animated Batman (and Beyond) and Superman series) at the helm. The flick starts off strong; Captain America and an army of soldiers storm a Nazi stronghold. Cap enters the villains command center and confronts the Red Skull... NOT! Nope there's a whole bunch of aliens. Uh, yeah right. So then and their Millar loses me with that insipid idea. Cap winds up in suspended animation where Nick Fury and his gang discover the body in the here and now. Bruce Banner is around as a very whiny scientist who's interested this super soldier and the rest of the Avengers are recruited to battle those old aliens Cap fought in the past. Among them, Iron Man, the dysfunctional couple Giant Man and Wasp, Black Widow, and Thor who is now a poorly voiced hippie with (perhaps) delusions of Godhood (gimme a break!) I didn't like these versions of the characters in the comics and I don't care for them here. Captain America's story is the most interesting as he adapts to his new surroundings, and it was nice to see the Black Widow in action as she has always been one of my all time favorite characters. Aside from them, I just didn't care, about the people, their situation or the idiotic alien invasion. And it doesn't help that squeezing that entire story into a 70-minute production leaves history and development in the dust. We lose back-story and that makes an already superficial tale, even more so. For example, Fury fired Pym when they used to work together, but why? (Read the comic) Animation is marked by awkward, stiff movement. The fight sequences are well staged but empty. The whole movie is like that... empty. All sound and fury, signifying nothing. Ultimate Avengers 2 - Rise of the Panther (what's with all these Marvel characters and this rising business?) continues on with the alien invasion, this time setting it in the homeland of the Black Panther (and giving us a bit of the War Machine armor). Here, Panther's father is killed by the same guy who fought Captain America at the start of the first movie. I don't have much to add, It's more of the same. Lots of fighting, lots of heroes whining and the story is neither hot nor cold. Despite the death of a long time Avenger it all manages to be rather blah. Next Avengers - Heroes of Tomorrow Reviewed on February 8th 2009 It's the future and a machine named Ultron is taking over the world (using Avenger-bots and the like to help). The only thing standing in his way is John Conner and his band of rebe--- er, I mean the only thing standing in his way are the children of the Avengers, mentored by old Tony Stark. While this story isn't a bad idea, in truth I feel they've yet to get this team right. I'd rather not have the Ultimate Avengers or the Baby Avengers or any gimmicky variation there of; I want a feature that focuses on the real, classic, old school Avengers dang it! Never the less it's youngin' Avengers they released and it's youngin' Avengers that I have to review. First off, Ultron is one of the team's great villains, the dudes a powerhouse. I didn't like that they change him from Henry Pym's creation to Stark's (especially when Pym's kid is involved). For one, it hangs a clichéd redemption ring around Tony's neck, for another it makes no sense that Tony would also create the Iron Avengers? Seems stupid for a genius to build more bots that can be corrupted. Ultron is pretty imposing for the most part. Aiding him are Tony's reprogrammed Iron Avengers, they are pretty imposing as well... that is until the end, when all of a sudden they and their master are quickly torn apart. That felt rather convenient and easy. Especially when we've seen Ultro's trophy room and all those dead heroes (I'd have rather seen them go down gradually and by logical means. Tony instructs the teens to strike at the robots joints, which they never do. Hell, have Caps son use the shield to chop off Iron-Cap at the knee joint, then have Pym fly in, expand and cause him to explode... that would have shown strategy inherent to each power) The voice work is steady across the board; Tom Kane is great as Stark and Ultron but each actor does a wonderful job of giving a distinct personality to their characters. I especially enjoyed the acting and character of Torunn, the daughter of Thor. She's trying so hard to live up to her father's legacy, even adopting his method of speech. Watching her growth and development over the course of this tale makes the movie for me. It was neat to have the Vision involved (he's one of my favorites) and I thought it was a bold move casting Tony in the unlikely role of father (less bold to have him do this because he was nursing a guilt trip over Ultron). There are a few dropped balls... Black Panther's son has the power of electricity. Obviously Storm would be his mother. The filmmakers failure to mention that could leave those unfamiliar with the marriage scratching their heads (why does a panther command lightning?) and the crazy/zen Bruce Banner stuff didn't click with me. The animation is pretty good as well, except for old man Hulk, who joins in on the fun at the end. While the others are cleanly rendered, Hulk comes off pretty ragged, cheap, and his blocky stomach muscles look ridiculous. Structure and backgrounds are solid. I like how the city of the machines shifts and interlocks (It's also inhabited by a few Ed-209 style bots, lol). I enjoyed watching Iron Man go against Ultron, though the end battle tends to meander. While I think 'Next' was a good film and superior to the Ultimate Avenger movies, as evidenced by the fact that my favorite part was the fight with Iron Man, I would have found this more engrossing had Ultron gone against the classic adult lineup, rather than their spawn. Upcoming for Marvel is "Tales of Asgard", which focuses on Thor and Loki as kid's -sigh- I guess Marvel/Lionsgate is determined to saddle us with this youth movement. So far only "Hulk Vs." has provided the traditional characters and stories I want and look forward too. Everything else they’ve done is a poorly realized restructuring of origin, premise and personality. And while this isn't poor - in fact I think a lot of kids as well as parents will have a good time with it, it just wasn't my cup o' Avenger. Avenger X Reviewed on April 7th 2009 This Italian production from the swinging 60s showed promise early on. The plot sounded strong: Police find a woman murdered with an X carved in her forehead and naturally assume it was the work of the retired master criminal, Mr. X! The real Mr. X, the man of a million, trillion disguises knows he's innocent of this dirty deed and soon dons his costume again in order to clear his name. The movie opens with the required hip score, nicely written by Manuel Parada, and a collection of comic art during the credits, sweet! And then it begins in earnest and we are shown the first of many close-ups of people talking, and talking and -sigh- talking. Suddenly all my good will evaporated as I realized that this wasn't going to be another Diabolik or even Kriminal for that matter. For their limitations in budget and FX, Italian comic book movies are cool breezy fun. They are candy colored, fasted paced with a keen sense of humor. Avenger X has none of those qualities. It's staid, static and just plain dull. When the filmmakers finally decided that they'd had enough talk (or leisurely drives in the country), they punt on the action. Avenger X doesn't put on his costume until the 45 minute mark, and then he does nothing special other than shoot cigarettes at a wall, climb up and spy on 3 bad guys. The movie never gets into gear, there's no zip, no zing in this fumetti. It's as if the screenwriter left his spirit of adventure in his other pants when he set out to pen this tale (joke by MST3K). You know you've tasted failure when the opening credits are your films strongest asset. All told the direction and story is bland, as is most of the acting (Gaia Germani as gal pal Timy outclasses the lead, Pier Paolo Capponi, who has had a fruitful career but was all wrong as X). The twist isn't interesting and action sequences can't light a spark, even when people are blowing up. Avenger X does clear his name and does a heroic deed by giving cop all the evidence they need to jail the usual suspects (at least the ones X hasn't killed). But I could have skipped this one because for one, he's not a crime fighter and for another, he's not even a good enough villain like Diabolik and Kriminal to warrant inclusion in this marathon. I offer up my review only as a warning to others: Avoid this tired turkey. Back to top of page B Barb Wire Originally reviewed: October 8th 2007 In 1993 Dark Horse comics decided to launch their own super hero universe. Divided into 4 quadrants or cities, each area had its own personality and heroes. Steel Harbor was the badlands where outlaws reigned. Bar owning bounty hunter Barbara, decked in crimson chaps, led off the Steel Harbor saga. Her allies included a brother and superfolks named The Machine and her bouncer, Motorthead. That initial comic series provided a few highlights, such as Adam Hughes drawing a character called the Ghost. But the idea never bloomed successfully and most of the heroes have since been forgotten. Barbara though, survived long enough and made enough of an impression to earn herself her own full-length motion picture. The movie was poorly received and those negative reviews are deserved, but there are times when I found myself digging on the story. This is due in part because the plot steals liberally from Casablanca, and partly because it features some decent, charismatic actors. Like Steve Railsback, Temeura Morrison and Xander Berkeley . Above them all though is the addition of the great Clint Howard as a bail bondsman. Clint's kind of like Bruce Campbell, even if the role is small he's always a delightful addition. What doesn't work is Pamela Anderson as Barb Wire. No matter how often the director tries to distract us with her breasts, her wooden performance proves too great an obstacle for even the mightiest of implants. It's pretty sorrowful when your title character drags down the movie. There would be times when I'd be getting into the flick (as when Alex meets up with Spike of the resistance) and then the scene would shift back to Anderson and she'd bring the story to a screaming halt. So the story sputters, it captures my interest and then it loses my interest, but in the final tally it mostly fails. As a Casablanca remake and definitely as a super hero adventure (By benefit of the plot, Barb loses all pretense of being about a comic book heroine) For Batman films go to... The Bat Cave Batwoman Originally Reviewed on June 24th I apologize in advance to all my female readers. I know I'm going to sound like a sexist pig... but the star of this Mexican made movie, Maura Monti, has one of the nicest, sexiest bodies ever, and from what I could see when it wasn't hidden by the cape, an extremely cute rear-end. This movie could have consisted exclusively of still pictures of Maura Monti in her skimpy Batsuit and I'd still have hailed it as a classic. The one bummer is that the picture on the only copies to be had in the USA is rather soft. Oh for a crisp sharp transfer, because Monti is one beautiful woman, in or out of costume. Of course there is this bothersome story, I guess it is a movie and had to have one -sigh- It's about a whacked out scientist who is capturing wrestlers (because they are "perfect") and using their spinal fluid to create a Gill Man (The guy should team up with Dr. Z and try his Blood Waters **). Two cops call in Batwoman to investigate. She steals aboard the baddies boat , uncovers his mad plan, but she is discovered and during a scuffle our hero tosses acid in the scientists face. Well you can imagine that this doesn't sit too well with the dude and he seeks revenge. His plan, capture her and turn her into a Gill Woman! The movie is of the 'no logic' school. For example Batwoman discovers a tracer on her uniform. Does she notify her cop friend sleeping downstairs so that he might bring in a battalion of officers to capture whoever is going to come after her? Does she arm herself with a weapon, a spear gun, a blowtorch some "Bat-Gill Man-repellent"? No. She instead goes to sleep - and of course she is attacked and knocked out by the creature, which also nearly kills her friend. She later explains that she didn't think they'd send the amphibious monster. Which makes her observational skills suspect, after all they'd just sent the Gill Man after her not long ago. Bruce Wayne would ask you to turn in your cowl Missy! Aside from these wee lapses in logic, the flick is a kick and not as taxing as other Mexican wrestling movies (not a personal favorite I must admit). The story moves along at a brisk pace, it doesn't stop too often for wrestling matches and did I mention how lovely Maura Monti is? Here's a short clip from Youtube... The Batwoman ** = -Editors Note: To non MST3K fans, yes that was another reference to the show- Back to top of page Ben 10: Race Against Time Originally Reviewed: September 7th 2008 This is a live action version of the popular Cartoon Network series of the same name. I wasn't too familiar with the show going in and the movie doesn't help fill in the blanks. Oh sure, there's a theme song that told me that Ben found this alien watch thing that helps him transform into a variety of heroes. But the screenplay doesn't do a lot to clear things up, it assumes you know the story and there were times when I was completely lost. Apparently Ben was on a summer trip with his grandpa Max (Lee Majors) and cousin Gwen (Haley Ramm). During that time they fought scores of alien baddies. The film begins with the start of the school year and Ben trying to adjust to being a normal kid again. Unfortunately a villain named Eon puts a crimp in those plans and Ben, Gramps, Gwen and some allies named the Plumbers (secret -and ineffectual- alien hunters) set out to stop Eon before he activates a doomsday machine. "Okay" is the best word to describe the movie. The acting is okay - Majors plays it eccentric, and Graham Phillips as Ben is cocky. On the other hand, the baddie isn't at all impressive and somehow manages the neat trick of being bland and hammy at the same time. Director Alex Winter (co star of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure) does a serviceable though not spectacular job. There's too much talk and not enough of the heroes and the action, fight scenes are a bit static. The humor is of the low grade 'food fight' variety. The FX are satisfactory for a TV film, I liked the look of the first super being Ben turns into, the others --- not as much. The character reminds of an old DC comic from 1966 that I loved, titled "Dial H for Hero". This isn't as good. The movie is probably best suited for younger audiences familiar with the series. While I found it an okay time waster, there's nothing here that inspires me to rush out and catch the show. Ben 10: Alien Swarm Originally Reviewed: November 26th 2009 Setting its attention on the teen market, the Cartoon Network’s second live-action Ben 10 film is fuel injected with a healthy dose of rock and roll, fast cars and a hip comic book vibe. Alex Winter returns as director and his pacing is much improved, this flick doesn’t drag its feet as the first one did. The script, written by James Kreig (Ben 10 series) and John Turman (Rise of the Silver Surfer), is an improvement as well. In this upgrade, Alien transforming Ben Tennyson (Ryan Kelley) is now a teenager, working as a member of the Plumbers (an intergalactic security force) with his friend Kevin (Nathan Keyes), whose powers mimic that of Marvel baddie, the Absorbing Man. And cousin Gwen (Galadriel Stineman), who I guess is part alien and is in possession of a few cool powers of her own in this film. The trio are approached by Elena (Alyssa Diaz), an old friend who needs their help in finding her father -a disavowed former Plumber. Only Grandpa Max (Barry Corbin) doesn’t think she can be trusted, which forces Ben to chose sides (of course he picks the girl) Drawing inspiration from 50s sci-fi classics like “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” etc - a metallic insect Queen is using her drones (and Elena’s dad) to take over the minds of people across the globe; and it’s up to Ben and his pals to stop the threat and save the day. Though there is nothing original in the plot, it does entertain. The story sails along at a brisk pace and offers more than a few thrills and chills. The possessed zombie folk and alien swarm itself are creepy. I like how the swarm can coalesce into malevolent forms (Giant spiked balls and saw-like discs) and the way Elena’s father is hooked up and spewing out more alien drones is good old fashioned nightmare fuel. Overall, the FX and look of the film is much sharper than the last. The dialog is sometimes silly/forced, and there are moments where the script has the actors overstating the obvious (gotta keep the kids in the loop). Still, it generally works - The characters have a nice chemistry together and there is a splash of humor to keep things from getting too dark. From top to bottom then, this is a pretty decent flick and not so overly teen-geared that this old fogey wasn't able to enjoy it as well. Big Man Japan Originally Reviewed: Decemmber 2nd 2009 As it plays, Big Man Japan comes off like it’s simply a freaky mocumentary, a parody on a genre and a satire on an insipid and insensitive media. And then the filmmakers pull a "Monty Python" on the ending that left me baffled and feeling somewhat cheated. I had after all, invested my time and interest in this character and his story. And wondered how he'd deal with a great challenge... only to have the rug pulled out from under me. But lets back up a bit. The story concerns Japan's last gigantic defender, Big Sato (in his normal guise, he's known as Diasata). The golden days of towering heroes are past and in this modern age Sato gets low television ratings and is hated by the populace because of all the damage his fights cause. The film bounces back and forth between the documentary footage of melancholy Diasata hanging out with his cats and discussing the hum drum aspects of his life. And the not so realistic looking CGI adventures of Big Sato as he fights immense creatures such as Strangling Monster (complete with bad comb over) and a freaky looking thing that tosses a huge eyeball as if it were bowling. There's a lot of low key, dry humor - and a tinge of sadness as Diasata lives under the shadow of his grandfather (considered the greatest hero of them all) and of his father's self destructive nature. His wife has left him, he barley sees his daughter, and his agent is buying shiny new cars while he lives in a dump. Life is tough. In the midst of this, Big Sato comes up against a fearsome new foe, a scary red demon which pummels him to such a degree, that all Sato can do is up and run for his life. This of course gets great television ratings and sets up a big battle at the end. Who is this foe, where does it come from and can Diasata overcome his fears and defeat it. Those were the questions I expected to be answered, but I was about to be left hanging. After getting forced into a rematch, Big Sato is beaten to a pulp by the red demon... when suddenly the scene stops and a title card informs us that we are now going to live footage. This live footage is cheap looking Power Ranger style material. As Sato cowers behind a building, a group of heroes take down the now -not so fearsome- demon in puffy mascot form. While I get the parody in this scene, the transition to it was so jarring, so out of left field from where the film was leading, that I sat there and shook my head in bewildered disappointment. This is it? No answers, no explanation, no resolution? I get fed a lame parody skit? Doing some research I've discovered that the movie could well be diving into deeper political waters with this sequence. It is speculated that the demon represents Red China, something Japan (Big Sato) fears. And that the 'Power Ranger-like' team -decked out in red white and blue- is the United States. These shiny folks are a jingoistic family, interested mostly in projecting a positive self-image. Forcing themselves into the fray and demanding Japan's cooperation - which they give gladly in order to be saved, but are pretty confused by the political game and what role they are suppose to play. If true, it would explain a lot. And revel a film that's a lot more ambitious than it would seem at first glance. Does it work? Not completely, because I was invested in Diasata's story. The ending satisfied the parody and the satire, but it failed to deliver on the investment of character (a great satire such as "Dr. Strangelove" kept its characters broad and cartoonish, and thus avoided that trap) BMJ is slow moving and about 20 minutes overlong. Actor (and writer) Hitoshi Matsumoto gives a nice understated performance as Diasata. And that measured pacing and deadpan humor wont satisfy all tastes. I didn't find it a laugh riot, but I did laugh: At all the protest signs that litter the roads, at the dramatic scene were Diasata stands in front of a giant pair of purple shorts. I can't say I loved the film, but that might be because I didn’t completely understand it. Perhaps I wasn't supposed to care about Big Sato, maybe he was a symbol, nothing more. And that makes me wonder about the father and other characters and situations and what, if anything, they were supposed to represent in the social/political arena? (Strangling Monster=Land Developers? Stink Monster=Prostitution?) I could be over thinking it, but a lot of Japanese sci-fi/adventure flicks are couched in current events (even a trifle like Gamera vs Gaos included a sub-plot that mirrored the Narita Airport protests). The Black Mask Originally Reviewed: October 4th 2007 Looking like Kato from the Green Hornet, Jet Li plays a member of an elite team of super commandos (The 701). He escapes from the unit and reinvents himself as a pacifist librarian. When local drug lords are slaughtered, Jet suspects the involvement of the 701 and becomes the Black Mask in order to stop them. When this film made its way to America it was greeted with positive reviews. When I first saw it in theaters I was a little under whelmed. It wasn't a terrible movie, but for me the picture didn't live up to the hype. My opinion hasn't changed with a second viewing. There's lots of fast and violent Kung fu action and it's an interesting tact to make those who prey on the drug cartel, the villains. But while it's slick, it's not very involving. I wasn't interested in the story or characters all that much and the stabs at humor were pretty lame. Also, there are a few lapses in logic, things happen for no rhyme or reason, characters blow their tops out of the blue. I'd really like to see the original Hong Kong cut with subtitles to see if the dialog is smoother and also to see if those additional 10 minutes that are missing from the US edition make a difference in the story. The movies mindless, illogical brain candy. Some of the lapses gnawed and distracted from my total enjoyment. But there's some pretty cool sequences. Especially at the end when Jet faces off against the insane leader of the renegade 701s. If you are able to switch off your mind and just groove to the action Black Mask can provide some fun escapism. The Black Mask 2: City of Masks Reviewed: April 6th 2009 Maybe a little too stylish and visually clever at the start but it does lend the flick more of a comic book vibe than the first effort. "Black Mask 2" is directed by Tsui Hark and features a score of mutant monster wrestlers played by Tyler Mane (Sabertooth in X-Men), Traci Lords and WWF star Rob Van Dam as the heroes main opponents. Jet Li isn't around this time out, replaced by Andy On, who carries himself with a quiet strength though he's not as charismatic as Li, nor as good a fighter. The plot concerns Black Mask trying to find a cure for the biological anomaly that gives him his super powers. His creator doesn't want that and sends a scary guy in goggles out to kill anyone who might offer him aid. Along the way the Mask has to prevent a terrorists plot to drop a DNA bomb on humility (akin to Magneto's plan to mutate humanity in X-Men) and to fight off the mosnter making chemical they infect him with. His allies are a young lad and a female scientist who has a strange quirk, her limbs lock up when she is touched by a man. The CGI fights are cheesy, as is the jagged story. It's a popcorn adventure that's not complete garbage but not very good either. The best part of the movie was the performance by Actor Tobin Bell (Saw) as the wrestlers boss - he was quietly menacing. Aside from that this was not my kind of movie, but if your into martial arts vs. monsters it might be worth a gander. Black Scorpion Originally Reviewed: October 8th 2008 Good superhero movies have fun with the clichés and conventions inherent within the comic book world. And make them entertaining. Bad superhero movies take those same clichés and make them groan-worthy. Produced by B-movie master Roger Corman, Black Scorpion is a tired, lifeless flick. I knew going in it would likely be riddled with bad direction and an even worse plot, I was hoping it could prove to at least be amusing. It starts off setting up the origin in a semi-serious manner: A good cop (Joan Severance) gets frustrated with the system after her father is murdered, so she dons a costume to fight crime without restriction. During these bits every well-worn chestnut is hauled out in the most anemic way imaginable. Then it suddenly goes goofy. There's this stupid villain with henchmen called, get this... Breathtaker and his army of asthmatics! Did the director and/or screenwriters see that playing it straight wasn't working so they decided to go spoof in mid stride? I dunno, maybe this was supposed to be an action/comedy all the way through but the two never blend well and the humor is a horror. This is a dumb, dumb movie. Severance is terrible and looks terrible in the stupid costume (She's better in the mask without the black rings around her eyes, as seen in one section of film). Joan is gangly and makes for a stiff and unconvincing fighter. The villain's costume is even worse, it's like he's wearing a huge metallic marshmallow on his head. SNLs Garrett Morris plays Scorpion's wise cracking mechanic who creates the Scorpion-Mobile. He's supposed to provide some comedic relief but I wasn't laughing. Director Jonathan Winfrey seems to realize he has nothing here that would interest a viewing audience so he pads it out with shots of gratuitous superhero sex and nudity (The camera lingers for too long on a dancer at a strip club... and she seems to be the only dancer the club has hired as we see her every time the director take us there). I've seen good, bad movies (Supergirl) and entertaining low budget movies (Fantastic Argoman) and then there are those that simply stink to high Heaven and display no redeemable qualities. And that's Black Scorpion. It's amazing that this inspired sequels and a TV series. Black Scorpion II: Aftershock2 Reviewed on April 5th 2009 More Scorpion nonsense from producer Roger Corman: This time out any pretense of a serious storyline is abandoned for pure camp idiocy. The opening acts are over the top hi-jinx without any hint of intelligence or wit, before giving way to soap opera relationship mid way through. All told it's unfocused, messy and not in the least entertaining. Aftershock offers a 2-point attack. From a Joker/Two Face hybrid named the "Gangster Prankster", played with ear piercing abandon by Stoney Jackson. And a gal in American Gladiator garb called AfterShock, who went from a nerdy scientist who'd invented a means to put an end to all Earthquakes in California, to mad genius after the Mayor has his men sabotage her machine (disasters are big business he surmises). It's up to the Scorpion to stop this twin threat before they destroy the City of Angels. Joan Severance appears a bit more comfortable in the lead role this time out, but she still looks skeletal and silly in that bulky unflattering mask. Garrett Morris continues his unfunny shtick as Argyle and sounding like the cartoon character Snagglepus in the process. The rest of the cast is under whelming. Winfrey returns as Director and the camera work employees a lot of zoom lens and quick edits to disguise the stiff action this time out, it still all comes off amateur hour. The script is paint by numbers; yawn inducing camp with slivers of melodrama wedged in uncomfortably. This is a terrible film, cheap and unfunny - one of the worse The Blade Trilogy Originally Reviewed on August 23rd 2008 Introduced in an issue of "The Tomb of Dracula" in 1973, Eric "Blade" Brooks was a vampire/human hybrid who hobnobbed with guys like Ghost Rider. Never a major comic book star, he never the less was destined for Hollywood success. The Blade trilogy was writer David S. Goyer's baby, he's the thread that binds them all and yet each film has its own vibe. The first is more sober, the second a kick ass thrill ride and the third; well the third is a mess. The first film introduces a character created by Goyer; Abraham Whistler, the cantankerous father figure mentor played by Kris Kristopherson. And one from the comics, villain Deacon Frost, who as played by Stephen Dorff comes off too much like a punk rather than a real threat and the catalyst behind Blade's quest to destroy all vampire kind. The story concerns Frost's desire to awaken a Blood God who will turn all human kind into vampires. While a favorite among fans the movie actually bores me. Oh the story is sound, the acting is decent (aside from Donal Logue - Unfunny people who think they are funny give me a headache) but the flick never puts a charge in my battery. The endless hand-to-hand fights are perhaps too statically filmed because they get tedious and yawn inducing. While the story would indicate excitement and suspense, I don't experience any real tension and I would suggest that this is the fault of Director Stephen Norrington (League of Extraordinary Gentlemen), a former FX wizard who -despite the action and fights and peril- somehow doesn't put much pizazz into the production. The second flick is all pizazz! The direction by Guillermo del Toro is more assured and the film moves at a breakneck pace. The story is pure comic book bliss as Blade and his sworn enemies team up against a new strain of vampire. Goyer doesn't put much meat in his script as Blade II is all about the visual - the cool, blood soaked, gooey and gross visual. del Toro is like a kid in a toy store and uses his impressive imagination to come up with all kinds of neat visceral thrills. The camera work is great and there's more tension in this one. The scene at the 'House of Pain' exemplifies the thrust of the film. It's nail biting, icky, humorous and loaded with adrenaline pumping action. The fights in Blade II never get tedious. Acting wise Snipes is as great as ever as the icy Daywalker and he meets his match with the wonderfully charismatic Ron Perlman who is one of his vampire allies and foe. I was overjoyed to see Danny John Jules (Cat from Red Dwarf) in the cast. Kristopherson has more to do and is given more layers to play with, and the primary villain is a force and presents a greater danger than Dorff's Frost character. Finally, in Blade Trinity, David Goyer was given the director's chair. In control as writer, producer and director you'd think there would be more overall cohesion here, but the third outing fails miserably. The tone is almost camp; the characters are drawn with broad lines. A scene where Blade is discussed on a talk show seems so far removed from the tone of the first 2 pictures and seeing it gave me a bad feeling right from the start. The idea of the plot sounds wonderful: Blade finally meets Dracula (a long time foe in the comics) and the Nightstalkers are introduced! Cool, yeah? Uhh, Cool, no. For the baddies: Parker Posey is great in the right roles, "Party Girl" was the right role, "Blade Trinity" was not. Parker is not an impressive vampire, she walks around rather hunched over and seems uncomfortable in the teeth and in the role in general. A guy who can't ooze danger no matter how much layering they plaster on his voice plays Dracula, badly. He speaks of honor yet hides behind children and runs away from Blade in their first confrontation. He's a punk and to me comes off a coward - and that might have been a nicer angle to delve into, but Goyer doesn't seem to have the energy to explore this, or anything else beyond the superficial. Ideas are brought up and ignored, forces are joined and then don't do much. The vampire alliance seems unfocused; the Nightstalkers are a poor imitation of the comic version and do little more than die. As for those Stalkers, Jessica Biel as Whistler's daughter looks good, and that's about it. Ryan Reynolds is wretched as Hannibal King. Delivering his lines with a self-satisfied smirk that I wanted to slap off his face and the dialog given to him is embarrassing in the way it strains to be funny and fails. The Direction consists of a lot of edits. Fight sequences are poorly filmed, Biel often looks awkward with the physical stuff and the fight between Reynolds and a hulking Vampire (Wrestler, Triple H) isn't smooth in the least. The final fight between Blade and Drac consists of too many quick cuts, making it impossible for me to enjoy (I can't enjoy what I can't see). Aside from the appearance of an issue of "Tomb of Dracula", there was little I liked in this movie. I avoided reviewing these flicks for a long time and I think it's obvious why. They aren't my cup of blood and aside from the exciting Blade II - in regards to horror based heroes - I'd rather watch Bloody Mallory. As an aside, it goes without saying but listen to del Toro's commentary. As always he is informative and entertaining. It's interesting to see all the comic/art quotes he places in his film. Blankman Originally Reviewed on September 21st 2006 Blankman is not a smooth ride but at least it provides some laughs. It's your typical Damon Wayans crude, sophomoric comedy and it's about a geeky genius that accidentally creates a formula that renders his suit bulletproof. This allows for one nice laugh when a bystander suggests to a thug, "Shoot him the head". Wayans and co-star David Allen Greer (who plays his brother and side kick "Other Guy") have a great rapport. Despite some raw bits (The scenes between Blankman and a TV reporter played by Robin Givens cross the creepy line a few times), there is something sweet about the protagonist. And I loved his obsession with the Batman TV show of which this movie is a parody. Panned by critics, Blankman is by no means a classic; I wouldn't even argue that it was a good movie. There's a lot of dumb in it, but it has its moments. Bloody Mallory Originally Reviewed on August 20th 2008 Sounding a bit like a hard-edged French version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and described by the producer as a Gothic comedy, the film tells the tale of Mallory and her band of monster hunters, who are called in to rescue the Pope after he is kidnapped by demons. At first blush I expected this to be a dumb, cheesy B movie, what I quickly discovered was a film that was exciting, funny and had a surprising dash of heart. The premise has a familiar ring to it - Bad Angel (Abbadon) seeks to free the fallen angels and destroy creation - I've seen elements of this in "Constantine" and more extensively "Prophecy", and yet it still works primarily because of the cast of colorful characters that populate the movie. On the side of good is Mallory who is brought to this ass kicking state after killing her demon husband (their relationship is refreshingly layered and grounds the picture with something that rings true and honest). Played with grit and determination by Olivia Bonamy, Mallory (with bright red hair and green eyes) drives around in a pink Hearse emblazoned with an "M" on the hood and wears a belt loaded with gadgets. She also has the words F---- Evil printed on her gloves. All of this I found off beat and way cool. Joining her is a young mute telepath named Talking Tina. Vena Cava, a transvestite who can fire bullets from her high-heeled shoes and a Vatican Bodyguard, Father Carras (His name should sound familiar to fans of the Exorcist). On the side of evil is the vampire Lady Valentine (Valintina Vargas is delightfully flippant in the role) and a succubus named Morphine, while stuck in the middle is the intolerant cranky Pope (Nicely played by Laurent Spielvogel). All of these characters are well fleshed out and have great comrade either in the role of allies or enemy. They also offer up a lot of laughs (The Pope's reaction to drag queen Vena and their subsequent bickering is a kick). Director Julien Magnat wanted to inject Manga style action not found in most French films, and even with little time or money he managed to create a cool looking, funny, spirited flick. Cyrille Hertel, who worked on Xena, choreographs the fights and though they are not elaborate they are well staged and easy to see. Most of the special effects/makeup aren't bad, aside from the Ghouls whose faces look like rubber masks. The cinematography is solid - the overall look of the film is awash in red. Apart from the blood, there's Mallory's costume, the swirling clouds of the hellish village and roses that fall as Mall's husband disappears. The movie is imaginative and quirky and while the final moments drag with drawn out explanations and the big confrontation ends far too abruptly I was entertained and amused all told. It might come off sacrilegious and offend some folks, but I'd recommend it to fans of horror/comedy as well as those who dig kick-ass female heroes. Bolt Reviewed on November 23rd 2008 Bolt is the canine star of an action packed Television series. Only he doesn't know it, he believes it's all real. When he finds himself separated from his "person", the pooch goes on a quest in the real world to save her from the clutches of the evil green eyed man. Part of the fun then, is in watching how he fares without his super powers. Bolt isn't the most original film I've ever seen, there's a bit of the Truman Show and Toy Story (among others) mixed into the familiar road trip premise. But it was an entertaining blast. Bolt is aided in this adventure by the reluctant streetwise cat Mittens, an over zealous hamster named Rhino and a bunch of Pigeon's (not Pheasant's, lol). All are wonderfully rendered and each captures the movement and character of the real life animals they portray. Voice work was okay, Susie Essman's scratchy delivery for Mitten's actually kind of annoyed me. Miley Cyrus (Penny) and Travolta (Bolt) were rather vanilla sounding. Surpassing them was James Lipton who was a delight in his short bits as the director and Greg Germann as a slick agent. Voice actor Mark Walton does Rhino and he gets the funniest lines, I like how matter of fact and delusional he is ("I'll go snap his neck" he spouts when the trio come across a guard). Humor-wise it's overall cute, though I didn't find it as hilarious as expected and thought the comedy writing could have been sharpened considerably (saying "awesome" isn't particularly funny or clever no matter how often or how breathlessly you say it) Obviously there will be comparisons to Pixar, and while neither story or art is quite in that league, it's pretty close and if you can see it in 3D (in select theaters) do so. The effect is not overdone, looks clean and added much to my viewing experience. The opening action sequence was more vivid, exciting and easy on the eyes than what I saw in the 007 thriller "Quantum of Solace" a week earlier. Though the film isn't actually much of a superhero flick per say, there are nods to a few comic book movies and a 007 like jump over a helicopter in this sequence. So all told this is superior to past Disney attempts at this style of animation (Meet the Robinsons, Chicken Little) and while formulaic, it's a fun ride and a great one for the whole family. Bunny Whipped Originally Reviewed on May 16th 2008 In trying to research this movie I couldn't find any online critic who had anything nice to say about it. Allow me to be the first... The story is this: A sportswriter named Bob Whipple (Esteban Powell) is a sad sack with a broken heart. When a rapper is murdered he finds his true calling. He will fight evil by as a superhero, "The Whip!". Aiding him in his fight is Mad TVs Ike Barenholtz (playing a self help guru) and Bob's high school sweetheart, played by Joey Lauren Adams, who fights for Rabbit rights (Hence the thin and abandoned plot line that inspires the title). The Whip's primary suspect in the murder is rival rapper Kenny Kent (Laz Alonso). Okay, so we have a movie that's going to parody rap and superheroes and it really does not do a very good job with either. The humor is often obvious, the screenplay meanders and staggers about. There are storylines that are brought up but allowed to flitter away without any resolution. When Kenny Ken kidnaps the Whip's old flame, does he snap into action to rescue her? Nope, he sits around and whines (I guess that's the joke, but it doesn't work). Now, he had already foiled several crimes (even squaring off against an armed gunman) but now he is suddenly afraid and unsure? The story makes no sense; it's a plodding mess. But wait, I promised to say something nice: It's not as much a train wreck as I was lead to believe. I've seen worse acting (Ophelia Saved From Drowning) and more poorly directed tales (Junior Defenders) Hell I've sat through the Coleman Francis trifecta and "Manos: The Hands of Fate"! I've seen the worst a man can see and I promise you, this isn't the worst. For one, the acting is solid, far above a lot of low budget movies. The performers have a natural screen presence and that smoothes out a rocky road. Joey Lauren Adams is personable and Powell, who looks a bit like Malcolm McDowell, has an easy slacker charm. There are also some genuine laughs. I know the critics will roll their eyes at this notion and they can kiss my rosy red... he, he (just kidding). Still, when Rebecca Gayheart (playing "Miss Awesomely Awesome Woman in the World") talks with Bob at the park and tells him that her goal in life is to help find peace in the Middle East and to always smile at ugly people, I'm sorry but that made me laugh. So sue me. Bunny Whipped is a bad movie, granted. I wouldn't recommend anyone running out to rent it. But it's not the worst movie in this marathon and it did provide me with a few laughs. (The DVD extras include 2 commentary tracks -one in Spanish- as well as deleted scenes. The first one with Ike as Joe giving a pep talk was the funniest) Links: Home * C-E * F-H * I-O * P-S * T-Z * The Superman Family * The Bat Cave * X-Movies * The Super-100 Back to top of page