Janet Varney and Cole Stratton Dirty Dancing Released: September 23, 2008 "Oh, so this is what hell is like?" - Cole      Dirty Dancing is one of my least favorite flicks, and it must be one of Mike Nelson's least favorites as well since in his introduction he mentions that he didn't want the pleasure of riffing on it. Therefore he hands the reigns over to comedians Cole Stratton and Janet Varney This is the second non-MST alumnus to record a 'trax without one of the big 3 present (Matthew Elliott was the first) and they too, were very good. Dancing is contrived, cliched and dull and the duo treat it with smart-alecky disdain - teasing every aspect of the characters and story. I enjoyed the way Janet has Baby refer to herself in the 3rd person (Baby hide!) and the sound Cole makes for a squirrelly guy who has the hots for Baby. The "bridge nightmare" sequence is clever as was Janet's line, "It's like "Groundhogs Day" for armpits", during a repetitive dance scene. They overdo the nose job jokes and if you don't care for puns then this might not be to your liking (they lean on them frequently). But for the most part this was an entertaining 'trax, and a good time is always had with Patrick Swayze on hand (often shirtless again- which lead to one of the funniest bits concerning Pat putting on a shirt but losing the pants) Ghost #11 in Mighty Jack's Top 41 Released: June 25, 2009 "Okay Patrick just give us your best Don Knotts face" - Janet       Janet and Cole return after a decent quipping on another Swayze flick, "Dirty Dancing". I find this one gets better every time I watch. I like Janet's dumb guy voice; in fact I like a lot of Janet's quirky idiosyncratic comments. Cole's good too (funny cat voice) but I found that most of my laughter came after a comment from Janet... "Here, I brought you a giant shuttlecock!" and "The White Album… The movie!" Patrick Swayze is limited as an actor, he always looks gassy: When he's looking lovingly at his gal, when he's upset, when he was shot... always gassy. So you’d think they'd zero in on that and never let up, but the riffing is varied, and they actually go after Demi's boyish look more often. Having quipsters like these two keeps things fresh in the Rifftrax world and I hope we get more because it puts the Swayze in me. Footloose Released: November 5, 2009 Uh oh, flashbacks make him aggressively dancey" - Janet      Gadzooks! So Kevin Bacon takes on a town thats outlawed dancing? I hated sitting through this picture (and that horrible 80s music) but I enjoyed the riffing Janet and Cole laid down. Cole adding dumb guy observations to an early Bacon conversation was hilarious and Janet's Little Mermaid quips always earned a laugh. While they overdo the ‘bad filmography’ shtick, overall I've been impressed, and feel that they are the best new riffers ‘trax has introduced to us. The duo has a style all their own, which is sharp, irreverent, often goofy and fun as all get out. They have good rapport and often plant zingers at the others expense, as when Cole warns Janet, "You do realize that every time you make a bad pun, an Angel bursts into flames". A 3 Trax win streak has me clamoring for more. ”Thank you "Make-A-Wish" – Cole Poltergeist #22 in Mighty Jack's Top 41 Released: April 15, 2010      Janet and Cole get things started off with a bang (and a bump in the night), with Janet's Q&A between the little girl and the TV, and Cole's Poltergeist theme song. They continue on in that vein, providing laugh after laugh with a barrage of pop references, observational quips and script additions. Janet's voice for the little Carol Ann is a hoot ("Now pick a card Mommy..." she says as the child sits by chairs that are stacked up impossibly) as is her impression of Zelda ("We're gonna need a bigger boat, wait that's not it"). Cole also does some funny voice-overs for Robbie. The only thing missing was an MST "Magic Things" call back when the team of ghost busters enter the kids room to find objects dancing about in the air (Regardless, Cole's Hulk comment was cute). Good flick, good riffing, good times! The Lost Boys #34 in Mighty Jack's Top 41 Released: July 14, 2010 "It's either vampires or the Vlasic pickle stork" - Janet      Ah, the Lost Boys, perhaps it was my generations Twilight. It got some bad reviews but it starred the Corey's (Haim and Feldman) and we loved it. The other thing I love is Janet and Cole's rifftrax offerings. They've yet to let me down and they don’t disappoint with this one. As usual, the trax features the peppy, high-spirited goofing that makes their humor distinct. It's a riff-style I appreciate. I also appreciate their choice of movies, and here we are thrust into a world of puffy hair and styling clothes. The duo make with quips that it fit the era to a T – From Janet's, "Slow down our jewelry makes it hard to run", to Cole noticing a giant Swatch. Of course they aren't stuck in time, as we get mention of things like web-cams and "The Happening". I also dug the top notch voice-overs (good impressions Cole), cute pop culture references, nods to "Twilight" and the way they have fun with the theme song. All in all this is another well-rounded, smartly riffed offering from the team. Jaws 3 Released: October 8, 2010 "...then we fully refund their movie ticket and beg for forgivenes" – Cole      Another swimingly solid effort from Janet and Cole, I was laughing steady - but phew, that movie had some supremely crappy FX. I actually wish I would have caught it in theaters in 3D so I could have seen how funny they looked in that format. Anyway, this release gains big points right off the bat for the pre-movie intro, with Mike making a hilarious cameo as Captain Quint - "Riffers go into the Booth, Booth goes into the Movie... Sharks in the Movie... We're gonna need a bigger Riff!" Once the movie begins, the riffs sail along at a nice pace. There are cute 'era-relevant' quips, as when Janet has a character gush... "Coke came out with a new formula, you gotta not try it!" Cole offers more of his impressive impressions (he does a killer Sebastian from "Little Mermaid") and the duo sharply rips on the flick, noting everything from the bad acting to the bad scenes (the standoff game was the dumbest thing I've ever seen, and I got a kick when Janet called it, "The Agathy Christie of bar games.") My biggest laugh though, came via the Harry Potter mentions (notice the patch on the guys shirt) Flatliners Released: July 19, 2012 "Take that Peter Dinklage!" – Janet      Explorations about the afterlife offer up a plethora of heady possibilities… and Flatliners addresses none of them. A dumb premise and cast with fresh, hot talent at the time - from Julia Roberts to Kiefer Sutherland - Flatliners is a riffers paradise. Cole and Janet apply a liberal amount of pop culture references and fire them off at a record clip - Pussy Galore, Blade Runner and Elliot from ET are just a few in this hit parade. Not that this is the only item in their comedy arsenal. Sharply phrased observations are also on hand. My favorite was Janet's cinematic suggestion that one scene would have been greatly enhanced by throwing Oliver Platt from a speeding truck. Amen to that! Oh, and least I forget, Cole does a hilarious Morgan Freeman. Bill Corbett, Kevin Murphy & Mary Jo Pehl Bill and Kevin's Rifftrax Presents for Star Trek and Spider-Man 3 have been collected in the Rifftrax Film-Series Page Saw Released: May 13, 2008 "Oh and there's a chipmunk in your hair strapped with dynamite!" - Bill, making fun of the killer's stupid, over-elaborate traps.      I hate this recent torture trend in horror movies and while Saw isn't the most graphic or bloody, with this genre it's not the violence on screen but rather the violence in the idea that bothers me. Had this been a bloodless G rated affair, I still would have found it ugly and cruel.     Unfortunately Bill and Kevin decided to riff on it. Fortunately the riffing isn't very good. Why is that a blessing? Because now I wont feel compelled to sit through this filth ever again. There are a handful of funny bits. The scene with the woman in the mask receives a few laughs and "Final Sacrifice's" Zap Rowsdower is referred to. I also laughed at the 'lying' sequence. But aside from that the riffing's pretty flat. Alien Released: June 10, 2008 "Only the Emo berserker in her soul can save them now!" - Bill      The dry Alien receives a dry riffing. Good material pokes it's head up every once in a while -like Kevin's hilarious Randy Newman impression- and there are a number of bits that flat out fail (The tick gag). But for the most part this is MOR. I liked the nods to MST that Bill was oblivious too; the kitty quips and the storage room that houses the Ark of the covenant and Dr. Doom were cute as well. Aside from that, the notes I jot during a viewing were pretty slight. Alien didn't leave a big impression. X-Files: Fight the Future Released: June 3, 2008 "Mary Jo? What about his MEN!?" - Bill      Bill Corbett and Mary Jo make a great pair, MJ always sounds like she's tickled by the inane stuff she sees on screen and Bill is upbeat and sarcastic. The 2 play off one another well and have a gas tweaking Texas, mocking the mumbling, the silly names, conspiracy theories (Hitler fixed the Oscars) and Scully's Catholicism. The opening sequences where the kids stumble upon an underground cave are the strongest. I got a kick out of the fire fighter -"Captain Fire, every kids favorite superhero" - MJ- squealing about "My Men!" and Mary Jo's line, "Mm, they really capture the lush beauty of North Texas". The riffing tails off as it goes but the work on X-Files is solid overall, and a special guest stops by to drop off a riff for added dash of spice. The funny is out there and well worth a listen. The Day After Tomorrow Released: September 16, 2008 "The official Abbott and Costello of the Apocalypse" - Bill      If there's ever been a movie that was asking for it, it's this one. So I was a little disappointed at first that Bill and Kevin let it off the hook for the most part. Instead of giving this bloated self-important hack job a big punch in the puss, the duo load up on the reference material. Every movie the actors starred in is noted, look a likes from Lady Deathstrike to Seth Rogan are pointed out. If a bit of dialog connects to something on film or TV the riffers are right on it - it's a veritable tidal wave of pop culture! On a second viewing though, I had to admit, this was darn funny material - and they do get around to smacking the flick here and there. As when they attack the logic of burning books in a Library to light a fire, when there's perfectly good wooden chairs and tables to be had. Or when Bill observes a slow moving Tsunami. The trax is definitely not PC. Neither Lynyrd Skynyrd nor a bald kid with cancer is immune, and these bits are dark but earned the biggest laughs. Overall, though I wanted epic, end of the world, sharper than nails, -run Roland Emmerich through the wringer- style of riffing. What Kevin and Bill offer provides ample laughs.

Matthew J. Elliott Dark Water Released: May 8, 2008 "The comedy stylings of Miss Sylvia Plathe"       Dark Water is a ghost story set in all manner of dreariness and it stars Jennifer Connelly as a single mother trying to start a new life with her daughter while battling her ex for custody. It receives a riffing not from Mike, Kevin or Bill! Now, I love all the old pro's, but I've become very familiar with them and sometimes, just sometimes I can anticipate a riff before it lands. That's what's fun about a new riffer, surprises abound. British writer Mathew J. Elliott has a quiet, easy delivery. There's a very 'matter of fact' vibe and a dash of British sensibility that adds freshness to the project. But none of that would mean a thing if Elliott wasn't funny - thankfully he's funny as all get out. Flying solo can be a tough row to hoe but Matthew handles it with aplomb giving his own spin ("There's no place like Homicidal") while drawing from the masters (He calls John C. Reilly the love child of Gene Hackman and Elmer Fudd. LMAO!). He teases the dialog well (I love the line about not having to worry about snipers when they shower) and can twist the reality nicely (The clever quip about "finger painting" was a work of art). The movie is very one note and after a while that bleeds into the riffing. The rainy, gray atmosphere is targeted maybe too often. Though it is funny ("Drab is the new fabulous"). The movie also takes forever to end and Matthew sounded tuckered out by it all down the final stretch. Still, the new guy does a great job and I'd recommend giving it a listen. House of Wax Released: May 28, 2008      I like this Matthew Elliott. He pretty sharp and I must admit, I was attempting to get through Bill and Kevin's "Alien" and wasn't digging it, so I switched over to this one and immediately received the laughter I desired. That's saying a lot when you can trump the pros. House of Wax is a scary movie that doesn't offer much thrills or chills. Though at one point Elliott quips, "You could cut the tension with some kind of tension cutting device"- One of the stars is Paris Hilton who is wretched and such an easy target that Matthew hammers away at her without breaking a sweat. Plastering Paris isn't all Elliott's got though, and he proves this right from the opening sequence when he quickly takes notice of a chocolate Jason Voorhees head and later chastises the backing singers for exacerbating an already anxious moment. I liked the way Matthew casually drops the line about how he "already forgot what just happened" on screen (the movie really is that unmemorable) and that a slack jawed yokel has more Myspace friends than he. He also delivers a funny reference to Cinematic Titanic that I got a kick out of. All this and there's a dude who talks to his knife. How much more joy could you want. It's another winner from the Brit, I'd love to hear him riff with Mike on one of these. Die Hard Released: April 10, 2009 "Ah urinal cake, what a lousy birthday that was"      Starts off solid with quips about the Blofeld chair, Josh Groban and some self-depreciating humor about that unfunny English guy who thinks he can do Rifftrax. After that, things get a bit jagged. On the negative: Repetitive lines about Bruce's movies and hairline (less hair than Homer Simpson? Actually it was fuller at this point in his career, it might have been better to attack that smug look on his face). The MST references - aside from a great Ben Murphy joke, they weren't particularly fitting and felt like they were shoehorned uncomfortably in there. At times the jokes simply made no sense (Man ass? Not really, a bag obscures it. And the joke about stripper poles would have worked... If they looked like poles and not square beams!) On the positive: The riffs, "Send in the car" - "And if that fails the clowns are still on rout", and after an explosion... "The Sgt. Pepper's of screw you's". I found some clever reference material (Ian McShane, Touched by an Angel, and a beautiful Robert Davi/007 quip). There's a sports team called the "A-holes", a great rant at the end when the cop kills the last terrorist, as well as a quip I could relate to, "Well I'm stumped, but I can't tell the difference between Tilda Swinton and Cate Blanchett". I count myself as a Matthew Elliott fan, and while I found this a bit hit and miss, the good outweighs the bad. Planet of the Apes Released: September 1, 2009 "I heard these guys were too busy singing to cause anybody harm"      Though I was a big fan of Matthew's first two trax, his work took a turn for the worse in 2009. This time he takes on the original Apes and there’s really not a lot of great material here. Predictable NRA references are plumbed incessantly, plus his timing is off. At times he rushes through 2 or 3 jokes, one after the other, which doesn't allow us any time to savor a riff. Then he’ll pause and leave big chunks of silence. The riffing rarely gets into a rhythm; I think it's time Matthew got a partner to play off. I received a handful of laughs ("Nobody monkey’s with my nuts") but for the most part, this one disappoints. Armageddon Released: June 15, 2010      While Matthew does better with spacing the riffs out with this one, the humor is lacking. His delivery could be a problem, as there are jokes that probably looked good on paper, which don't translate well to audio.      There are sparks -a quip about independence still being a sore point is clever- but these are few and far between. I really wanted to like this one – the movie is the usual loud, unfunny, winded fare you'd expect from Michael Bay, I'd hoped Matthew could return to form and slay this bloated giant. Unfortunately this hope was quickly dashed. In the end I was bored with the download and it took several attempts before I made it to the end. Jurassic Park III Released: April 15, 2011      Matthew Elliott bounces back. Though I enjoyed his first two releases, I found his subsequent efforts suffered from nonsensical quips and some weak timing and delivery. I was considering skipping this, before watching the sample, which was an out and out riot. Elliott's timing is better this time out - he allows a few beats in between riffs and that allows me to settle in and enjoy a joke. While there are a few times when he could have used a partner in the booth (verbal handoff type riffs work better with 2) overall he does well as a soloist. I had to google search a couple of quips (Rebecca Loos? Episodes of "Come Dine With Me"? Rick Sanchez, Jeremy Kyle?) but the references just as often hit me where I live, for example... Dr. Grant: "It's time you started doing some explaining Mr. Kirby!" – Matthew: "Like, why do all the superheroes you draw have square heads?" The release is loaded with good stuff like that. Sherlock Holmes Released: December 13, 2011      Matthew returns with a good, though not great effort. He gets too preoccupied with genitalia and drugs - but when he lays off the junk, there are laughs to be had: Especially the British-centric quips. Ala, a fun pun about "pounds", and noting how RDJs shows off his great acting by pretending to enjoy English food. He also teases the banter ("David, Maddy please...") and other weak aspects of the flick. Pun haters beware - Elliott puns a lot, and when I say a lot I mean beyond Federal standards of punning "a lot". Some of them work, some of them made me wince. The Expendables #36 in Mighty Jack's Top 41 Released: September 13, 2012 "So why does the pirate get subtitles and Stallone doesn't?"      Expendables is an action movie stocked to the gills with well known action stars, and filled with the kind of crisp witty banter you'd expect from a movie of this caliber... meaning that it is neither crisp or witty. Thank goodness riffer Elliott delivers all the wit you need. In fact this might be my favorite release from Matthew. The jokes are quick and clever and frequently hit their targets dead center. Elliott takes pointed shots at the anemic script ("Woody Allen did not do his best work on these rewrites"), the acting and action. And his references are as cute as his observations (I loved the nod to the 1960s Batman film). This is great comedy and comes highly recommended. Horror Express Released: March 27th, 2013 "I don't know that my disbelief is suspended, but it is kind of dangling"      Boy, this riffing has a lot of wang in it... and if you loved Dorkin in MST3Ks Gorgo, you'll get a kick out of this. Matthew takes us on a trip full of innuendo and pun for this scary flick about a hairy evil with red eyes. But the movie's best feature is that it stars Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing (and later Telly Salvalas shows up). Elliott doesn't let much get past him, even noting a typo in the credits. So it was odd that he stays silent when a character mentions that all he has are stones in his box. I was thinking, "What, nothing about Mick or Keith there?" But I kid Matthew; he does good work with this one and it well suited to a drinking game. Take a shot whenever Elliott mentions a movie, actor or character associated with trains. You wont get drunk, but it is kind of fun. And the rest... Tron Released: May 26, 2009 Riffers: Johnathan Coulton, Paul & Storm "...then a friendly hippy will likely throw it back to you" - Unknown rifer on those Frisbee weapons.      I've heard Paul and Storm when they'd guest on morning radio programs. Never found them very funny. Didn't find them very funny here either. They are joined by Jonathan Coulton, who can be seen on the Plan 9 Live DVD (and is another one I'm not fond of). With everyone's vocal inflection and delivery all sounding the same, I couldn't tell what riffs belonged to whom - not that it mattered. Laughter was in short supply on this rifftrax. A few smiles here and there, it wasn't until the 18-minute mark that I actually laughed out loud (a line about Flynn on a respirator). Though I found a few bright spots ("Wait, I want to Digg that clip" and great quip about Brett Favre) it's generally insipid comedy, with humor riddled with sexual innuendo and limp references. The Running Man Released: July 9, 2009 Riffers: Blame Society Productions      A few folks from iriffs have made the jump to “Rifftrax Presents” with less than wonderful results. Plagued by flat vocal inflections and a lack of smooth timing and delivery I get from the pros... they simply don't click for me. I wasn't too impressed with "Blame Societies" Star Wars iriff and I wasn’t wowed with their work on Running Man. It started off okay -the Arnold impressions were cute- but after awhile they ran the same jokes to the ground. As with Star Wars, there’s not much in their repertoire and they lean on cheap blue humor. Ghost Rider Released: November 13, 2009 Riffers: Blame Society Productions Ghost Rider was one of the worse things I've heard from Rifftrax. As with "Running Man", they are okay at the start but the production quickly de-evolves. The jokes, delivery etc, are sloppy and unprofessional (ala the "Johnny Blaze news-flash" bit). A slap dash concoction that provided a smile once in a blue moon (usually from guest Nic Kage - and even his dumb guy shtick got old by the end), but was mostly riddled with eye rolling badness. Rider has been a movie I've long wanted Mike, Kevin and Bill to tackle - to be handed this mess instead was a great let down. Batman Forever Released: July 30, 2009 Riffers: That Guy With the Glasses “That Guy with the Glasses” won a Rifftrax contest and were allowed to branch beyond iriffs for this release. The group fare a little better than "Blame Society". I like the variety in their voical inflection and delivery, and they offer a couple of nice impressions as well. But they too have a limited bag of tricks. We get a lot of Commissioner Gordon as doddering old fart joke, which mostly works. And Jim Carrey as annoying ham, which doesn't (it's over stating the obvious. There's no funny spin on these quips). While I chuckled a few times, there were a lot of dead zones.